The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm having that discontent rut feeling again. What does it mean? I wonder if it's just my need to have some chaos or if I really am trying to make things "better". I want to move, start over somewhere new, find a new job, etc. I fully believe that my location is a large factor in not being able to find a suitable man (it's been 2 years people!!!). I feel stuck in a dead end job, I have one or two really close friends here, otherwise I'm isolated, I'm working two jobs because the main one itsn't paying the bills, and really two isn't either. There is no opportunity for advancement or pay increases in the job I do have. I hate the schools, and all my kids are being put on speed because they can't "focus" in class. Nevermind the fact that they sit in a room all day and rarely go outside. PE once a week? Is a six year old boy really supposed to "focus" all day and do homework all night? UGH~
Anyway, on a positive note.... I have lost almost 25 pounds in the last 7 weeks and have done pretty well with not smoking (still smoke when I drink - which is once or twice a month)
How do I know if I want change because I want chaos and the thrill of something new or if I really have the right motivations for changing everything in my life? After all, how are we to find new opportunities if we don't take risks?
Something you can do to make yourself more honest is write it down pros for moving on one side of the paper and cons for moving on the other.
Notice if the top of your page for moving begins with finding men.
Notice if the other side of the page for not moving mentions stability for the kids.
Regarding putting kids on meds to concentrate my comment today would be, they can offer many options, it's up to you to make the choice.
Remember as you list things out so you can see them not to tilt one way or another until the list is complete, be perfectly honest with yourself, don't edit as you go, not until it's completed and you look back at it will you have a definate answer.
Sadly many of us realize we are addicted to chaos. What I have to do is pay attention to using chaos to take the focus off dealing with my own true issues.
What does wanting run away have to do with what I refuse to fix here and now?
I've been told by those much wiser then myself, when we run away we take the same self with us we've tried to run away from.
Fix what you can in your here and now was the suggestion I was given otherwise I am merely postponing more of the same elsewhere.
I think I used to do this with the desire to be rescued.
Of course you could really research where and what your options are rather than "jump". I believe you moved because you had to last time. And the beach was a factor.
I've been thinking lately about moving to another place in my life, metaphorically, not physically. To me it seems like I have to put together a picture of what I want my life to look like.
For me right now moving on seems to involve a lot of work and effort and I don't know that I was up to that before.
The only thing I can suggest is to put together what you need and research it then come up with a timeline.
My timeline is pretty long at the moment but I know from the past that I can move through that when I get a picture of where I need to go.
I already have a good list of reasons to leave, i.e. opportunities for work, more money,having a better support system, better schools, living near like minded people I could go on all day on the reasons to move. Reasons for staying are the weather, the beach, and the security of what I have now rather than the prospect of something better. I really don't have anything to run away from here it's just the idea that I can do better... more of a running to something unknown than a running away.
I'm not really talking about reasons there are always reasons to leave but what places have what you need and how would you transition there. There is a transition period for some of us although it seemed to me that you made some pretty seamless transitions last time. A huge block for me moving anywhere is money but there are other issues, like getting a job (this is not the best time to look) school year and more. There are good times to move and not so good times. I would urge you to make a plan be around it then you may not feel so obsessional.
You have been sharing for a very long time. I have always been impressed by your always using your head.
I do agree where you are has never sounded like home for you.
You know Carolina, my daughter is interesting in how she works at one job then three really neat jobs, next thing I know she is off to Cabo!
Now she has a boy and she still makes changes and flourishes. I am not good at it. My security level is not that good. I mean I need my home to be very familiar.
I sure can relate though to your feelings. For me I take my time and see how many times I think about it to know if I am ready.
I never do much major.
The reasons you give sure make sense to me after all you have shared all this time. Knowing you as well as we can here at MIP, I have great faith you would thrive as well as your kids if you left.
Would you go closer to home to your family? That would be cool.
Okay, know this answer is being developed right off the top of my head.... so take it for what it's worth.
I think your reasons for leaving are absolutely valid. My guess is that if your kids were content in school and really flourishing, that you wouldn't feel quite so led to leave. You are a different person than who you were when you moved there. So many changes, emotionally, spiritually and physically! (Woo Hoo!) I too think if you were to move, you wouldn't be so much running away, but running to. Personally, I think it is time, and if you can get all your ducks in a row and your kids on board with you, GO FOR IT! I really believe that if done with the right motives, it will all fall in place for you.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I have never regretted the moves I have made (and I have made some big ones). I still believe it was the path that my HP intended for me! In a way it doesnt matter what you decide, it will all be good either way. Want to move- do it. Not sure? Dont! Keep it simple. Hugs, J.
