The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi...First time on. Tonight was the kick in the butt to finally ask for some help. I picked him up from detox yesterday. He spent the night here ( we seperated 2 mths a go), told me he loves me so much, cannot live w/out me blah blah blah. I brought him home today so he could clean his urine/ empty bottle filled apartment. He called me tonight to tell me we need to stop seeing each other. I need to move on w/out him. He doesn't know why he does the things he does but I tend to blow things out of context. ( during his night at the hospital I went to his apt and found him pursuing women on Myspace for sex, also he watches porn via internet 1/2 of his day). I apologize this is all coming out jumbled and not making sense. Heres my thing. I have loved this man unconditionally for 2 years. I am in financial ruins because of him. My family and friends doubt my choices because of our relationship. I watch and lived his more than selfish behavior and non-caring attitude towards me and the kids (I have a 10 y/o from prev. He has 2 kids from prev and we have a 10 mth old lovely baby girl together) for how long! and he has the nerve to do this? WHY? Why is nothing I do good enough for him? Why can he not love? why not me? Why can he never put "us" before him? I am heartbroken...devastated...and feel a fool. Being lied to so many times...I love him...why?
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People may not remember what you did or what you said but they will remember how you made them feel...
hello so glad u found this board . when u live with alcoholism it is a very confusing situation and we tend to go a little whacky . there is no answer to your why other than this is alcoholism . cunning baffling and powerful . Until he learns to love himself * not in the selfish ways he is displaying now * and have respect for himself he isn't emotionally available to anyone . this has nothing to do with you , your not the reason he drinks , he drinks because he has a problem . period. Please find an al anon meeting you need support from people who understand exactly how u feel and will share with you their own experiences= al anon offers solutions , it is about and for you . Get the focus back on yourself and your childrens needs , get on with your life while he sorts his out.
Welcome to MIP you are in the best place here to find help and support. I found this place when like yourself was in utter pain and confusion due to my partners behaviour. Everyone here will have at sometime had similiar experience and understand what you are going through. Its a place of comfort and learning, no one will tell you what to do but will offer great advice and tools to learn how to live a better life for yourself and family.
Try and read some of the posts and reply's, you'll notice we have a lot of sayings here, One of my favourites is 'keep coming back' I urge you to do that, your not alone anymore we are all right here with you.
he has the nerve to do this? WHY? Why is nothing I do good enough for him? Why can he not love? why not me? Why can he never put "us" before him? I am heartbroken...devastated...and feel a fool. Being lied to so many times...I love him...why?
Welcome to MIP. Can really feel the pain you are feelling. "Getting Them Sober," a book that will help you so very much.
Our A's love us so very much. They know what we have done for them. Imagine all that time you spoke of, all the trials, financial problems, all the selfishness, etc. He was so drugged up, he did not really feel it all.
Not until he detoxed. Then allll that pain hits him.He has more guilt than he knows what to do with. The pain you have felt in all those years is hitting him in one day and on.Of course when someone loves us, they will take themselves away when they know they have hurt us so horribly !
Right now he needs the 90 meetings in 90 days at AA. And or get into a rehab now.
He is very,very sick. Addiction is a horrible disease that no one chooses. Hopefully he will feel so bad he won't want to ever touch it again and seek help. HIs feelings will be so strong, he may go right back to his drug to escape.
Of course you love him, said that many times here at MIP. You would love him if it was a brain tumor that had messed up you and yours life !
It is such a sad thing. Mine had to be sober, dui jail time. He was back to himself, so loving and I was so relieved. Felt so good. Then he stepped out of jail and got wasted. I was devistated and I "knew" this would probably happen.
I know where you are inside. Right here at MIP is a great place to start. Look for alanon meetings where you are, they are waiting open armed for you. I mean that. We keep each other supported as best we can.
Many of us have been here for years ! My life has totally changed for the better becuz of the Alanon 12 steps, literature, meetings here, chat room and this message board.
Hope you will come back. We want you to know in your heart, it has nothing to do with you.
Welcome to MIP! You will find lots of support in Alanon. You didn't cause, can't cure it, and can't control it. It is the disease of alcoholism talking and nothing else. Take care of yourself and your children. Get to a f2f meeting. And keep coming back.
Welcome to this wonderful group. I was in much the same space as you for a long long time. Can I thoroughly recommend you take notice of the offer at the top of this page for a book Getting them Sober. That book will hep you a great deal. I think Toby Explains the alcoholic better than anyone.
Trying to make sense out of an alcoholic's self destruction is very difficult. The most important thing is not to take it personally. I was thinking back to a time that my ex A boyfriend was "there" for me. There were times when he could do that, as his disease progressed that evaporated.
Your boyfriend may or may not get sober. Regardless you can get well. Many of us have. You are very welcome here. Pull up a chair, read the archives, get comfortable. You will find friends and family and confidantes here.
