The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(To the MIP family) For those that would like I thought it would be a good idea to share your story, the before and after of Al-Anon becoming a part of your life. Where you were. Where you are. What the program has done for you. It could be good for newbies or guests whose life is or has been affected by the disease of alcoholism.
The members of "Miracles In Progress" are a group of very special people who gladly share their Experience, Strength, and Hope. I am greatful I found this board and feel so priviledged to be a small part of such a loving and giving family. I hope some of you agree and will consider sharing your Al-Anon story. RLC
Keeping it very simple...Al-Anon, when I entered the room for real, helped to rescue me and my life from the downward spiraling, progressive destruction which seemed to be the only recourse to my choices and intentions to save my alcoholic wife from this disease of alcoholism and to try to save myself at the same time. The program interrupted that downward spiral and asked me to come in, sit down, listen, learn, read the literature, practice the steps and slogans and traditions and get a sponsor while learning what a Higher Power was and trusting in that Higher Power and the membership of this program. Simple...yes!! Easy...no!! I had only one thing to change and that was EVERY thing. Al-Anon kept re-inviting me back and welcomed me always. As I kept taking that invitation and doing the above my mind, body, spirit and emotions miraculously started to realign themselves. I did little other than the suggestions and the literature, meetings, conferences and other tools of the program including the enormous amount of loving members did the rest. Time also took it's toll and as I kept coming back and practicing, practicing, practicing my life arrived at a place beyond my expectations. Where I was at a place that I never thought I'd live thru I was now living thru the consequences of deeply working this program. The more it worked the more I worked at it.
What have I got today? That big, black, empty hole that I had in place of my spirit has been filled. I found out it wasn't really the shape of my alcoholic but my Higher Power who today I choose to call Akua or God. I know longer call it my wife. My behaviors now are in line with a re-established value system that is good for me only. I have no expectations that the alcoholic or anyone else should bow to my value systems. I am happy with the out comes of my behaviors today. My thinking gets muddled because of a disease I have had for life that is not alcoholism but might be a rider. This condition is temporary when I focus on the program first and other matters second. It not surprising that repetitively saying the Serenity Prayer helps to focus the mind, emotions and spirit (also positively affecting the body). It is also not surprising that repeating slogans, steps, and the like works too. I was amazed at getting direct contact with my Higher Power in times of extreem need and how I was listened and responded to. Those miracles have touched others also. I was and still am amazed at the lessons learned while being a member here and how they consitently repeat in order that I learn what works and what does not and why I should not attempt doing my life without the help and guidance of my Higher Power and others in recovery. I have learned that this program works the first time and every time by giving it away to others and watching it work for them also. I dance with miracles today and that is way better than Disneyland. Watching another person recover for me today is soooo exciting. It worked for me; It works for others. I have learned that Freedom comes from Discipline. Freedom from fear and anxiety left me as I practiced faith and trust without reservation. Freedom to live my life earning the consequences of Happiness and Joy in my spirit and a wink and laugh on my face. That's a huge change for me thinking about my counselor asking me if I had any idea what I looked like when I was angry. His feedback was, "frightening". Free of "frightening"...OK!! lets hold on to that one. Al-Anon taught me the meaning and practice of compassion, empathy and love. It first did this at the very beginning when I was asked to set up chairs and make coffee and the like before meetings that I was new to myself. It got me out of myself and therefore got me out of the problem. Al-Anon taught me that whereas I did live in the disease of alcoholism and all of the insanity I played out a part and made choices to bring that insanity to a level that it almost consumed my life totally. I have learned to bring myself into that big group of people that I treat with love and compassion and to do this reasonably. "Reasonably' is not in the definition of enabling. When I help reasonably I am loving myself and caring for myself on the same level as I am others. Even if I am spending more effort on the needs of another I am doing it without the "R" words, resentment, remorse and resistence. I am sure there are more.
I have been in this life program for almost 30 years. It would be impossible to list all that Al-Anon has done for me in one post. It was simply said above. Keeping is simple is one of the things that I learned.
I would say that Al-Anon has kept it's promises to me starting with the very first promise I ever heard at the end of a meeting. "If you keep and open mind you will find help." I work on openmindedness habitually and I have been rewarded for it endlessly.
Plain and simple: it saved my life. It gave me a support group when I couldn't get to a meeting. It showed me how to live my life regardless what the A was doing or not doing. It reminded me that I have an inner strength that I didn't realize I still had. It reminded me that there was nothing wrong that I still loved my husband very much even though he was an addict.
It has seen me through my darkest days and my happiest moments. Now that my beloved Tim is gone, it still makes me feel good to come here and share my story. The day I lost him, my MIP family surrounded me with more love and prayers that I ever had. You have prayed for my health and my sweet Pipers Kitty when she was sick. You taught me to laugh at his disease and mine.
MIP and Alanon has taught me patience, tolerance, and not to judge. It has given me skills that I have used not only in dealing with addicts, but in other parts of my life. I am finding I am using my Alanon skills more and more at work. It has taught me never to give up, even when I didn't want to get out of bed.
The most amazing thing when you come here, is meeting people all over the world. We are as diverse as we can be. Yet we are alike more than different. It is dumb founding when you think how far we reach out to people.
Thank for posting this. Much love and blessings to you and your families. Love to all the MIP animals too. They are a special part of our family as well.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Oh my, where to start, well it's done so so much and continues to do so, It's allowed me to take responsibility for myself, it's given me my self esteem back and self respect, it's educated me in humility and given me first hand experience of hope. It's brought me to a place I never thought I would find, it allows for me to make mistakes and slips but lovingly picks me back up and carries me forwards, it guides me in the direction of right it's just a magical place, where dreams can come true!
What has al-anon done for me? It has given me back my life. I was so focused on the alcoholics in my life that it was hard to know who I was. I thought I knew what was best for them and spent a good deal of my time trying to make change happen where it could not, not by my doing. I remember running around at midnight trying to find out where my first alcoholic husband was, what bar, what friends house. I had no idea what I would do when I found him, I just knew that I had to find him. That was my obsession. Once I finally recognized I was changing from who I was and didn't like what I had become, I divorced him, but without a program I was doomed to finding another one like him and that relationship lasted about three years. He left me because of my crazy behavior and I knew that I had a problem and I sought out al-anon.
I started working on me and recovery. I tried several programs ACOA, co-dependency 12-step groups and finally al-anon, that's where I stuck, because it made sense to me. I was not the adult child of an alcohlic (ACOA) but I was co-dependent because I started going to ACOA because of a guy I was seeing that was the adult child of an alcoholic. I eventually married the guy. He was not alcohlic, but I learned more about the disease of alcoholism from that family in the 12 years that I was married to the man than I had learned from the previous two marriages, that was largely due to my involvement with al-anon.
I found out that my third husband had been an incest survivor and that his father the alcoholic was the perpetrator. This lead to a lot of al-anon and turning things over to a higher power. When I found out that my husband was a sex addict too and eventually came to find out that he looked at kiddy porn too, I ended that marriage.
This was when I found the MIP family. I wanted to turn something good into what had been such a bad experience for me, the pornography that my husband looked at on the computer. I knew al-anon had on-line chat lines and I was determined to find one. I've been here ever since.
As others have said it's a global community, none like it. Although we are all different we are all so similar in so many ways. I love being able to come on line at any time of the day or night and find someone to talk to, it has become my life-line, since my f2f group is hard to get to weekly.
Keep coming back, as they say, "It works if you work it, so work it!"
Before alanon when my husband went out on a binge, I took every single pair of pants he owned, wrote all the reasons I hated him on the pants and then proceeded to shred them all and left them in front of the door.
After alanon, when my husband went out on a binge, I went to a meeting, called program friends, cleaned my house and focused on my kids and how they were dealing.
Wow! So many of my posts are long & filled with tragedies. I'd like to keep this very simple and general. I am ACoA (adult child of addict/alcoholic) before and even years into al-anon (I seemed to be very resistent & hard headed) I tried to force things constantly. I obsessed 24 hours day about my mother and others. I was so sick and codependent in my behavior, I never considered myself. In fact I hated myself, had suicidal ideations often, wished for the impossible & impractical in others and was extremely self-destructive. I drank to excess when I was angry, which was often. I was very negative and alwasy tried to take responsibility for others, believeing it was up to me to please them and make them happy.
By 38 years old, I was completely bankrupt energetically and had already tried to commit suicide three times. I had become so depressed I spent nearly an entire year in bed, crying & wishing for death to take me. I felt like no one wanted me, not even hp/god so I finally decided to dig deep and love myself. This is what began to change everything for me. I unplugged from my mom, trying to sever my codie ways. I wanted to give myself the love that I gave freely & wildly to everyone else. It took me nealry a year to get over feeling so uncomfortable, simply focusing on me, I'd never done it before. I managed to love myself what I thought was a fraction of 1% as pathetic as it sounds, it was all I could do but it grew from there.
Two years later, I still have to catch my mind wishing or hoping forothers and bring it back to me. I deserve to consider myself, I deserve to live my best life. I have set boundaries and in sticking to them, my self-esteem is soaring. I feel good about saying "No". I now value myself and genuinely love myself. I am still a work in progress but I am learning.
These days I am extremely grateful to simply be alive. Grateful I can love me and am no longer acting out, esp grateful my mind no longer races & obsesses, I truly thought it would never end. As I love myself, set boundaries, MYOB (mind my own business - for example, other ppl's mental health is not by business) and detach from others (give them the integrity of tending ot their own lives and me to mine) I am continually improving and expereincing genuine joy & happiness.
It has enabled me to cope, love myself and have a life. It has been hard work and I have been diligent and it is worth it! I know I'll never go back to the way I once was.
Al-anon and the other 12 step groups truly are life changing if you apply it to your life. The MIP forum has been a god-send for me and I can honestly say I love everyone here.
Today, I have a boyfriend of 1.5 yrs that is not an A and it's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
thank you for asking. Is great to read everyones replies.
Hmmm I was grieving losses of family, friends from death, A abandoned me after a very small amount of time from a very very happy marriage.
Was scared about "everything." All support was gone.Was literally a cocoon on the floor.Lost so much weight from anorexia behavior, was dieing in every way.
MIP was shown to me. Was on for hours and hours in the chat room with special friends. Was so healing.One of whom I am still in touch with and love very much.
Now afraid of nothing, face everything head on,one day at a time, serene, can eat and am very healthy, did two surgeries this month taking car of me, face A's with no problem. I like me warts and all, follow my own heart, am soooo close to my number one, being our creator Jehovah. MY belief. my hp
learned not to trust or to not trust, accept everyone as is, set boundaries.
smile a lot. don't miss the AH anymore. Feel ok where ever I am as my faith in HP is completely trusted.
I love A s and show them respect when I am around them like homeless etc.
Not shy anymore. Feel very ok living alone, though someone could change my mind. No one can sway me, I stick to being ME. I don't conform, am thankful I am a square peg,not embarrassed by that anymore.
Even with all the horrible losses I am suffering, I am happy, smile lots,laugh a lot. If I want a puppy I find one and enjoy my animal family with no guilt. I know when to say enoughtoo.
I love my A and that is ok. HE did not choose to be where he is. love him for the time we shared,don't hate him for all the pain his disease caused us.
gads I could go on and on....
simply went from darkness and fear, to the light, and faith.
Alanon has given me some of the answers that I have been seeking all my life. Inner peace, boundaries, a safe place to go, people who understand, validation that I am not crazy, perspective, in the 12 steps - guidelines on how to behave and live my life, value in helping others, understanding the disease of alcoholism, solace at times, support, and much more.
Thanks to all of you that posted and told your story and what Al-Anon has meant in your life. I certainly enjoyed your posts and I hope others received as much ESP as I did. Thanks again.
Since I posted the question I guess I need to answer my post.
I have been married 16 years to my A.
Didn't realize or accept until about 6 or 7 years ago that she had a problem, or that her drinking was out of control, or I should say out of "her" control.
Lots of longtime friends, get togethers, cook outs, some partys, trips, all normal over the years.
At some point I realize my A can't handle her alcohol any more and several, or many embarassing situations occured.
I never brought up any of this after it happend, never told her she was drinking to much, just hoped it would get better, and she would control it. It only progresed. I realized about this time I was being affected, but did not have a clue what to do except to worry, and count cans in the garbage, or back seat of her car after she had gone to sleep, or check her hidding places for empty cans. She had the problem not me, I just needed to keep score so I would know how bad her problem really was. I wasn't sick or crazy, she was.
Over a period of time many of our friends became more distant, looking back that is very evident.
She lost her job of 16 or so years at the bank. Got a better job lost it. Two more jobs after those ended the same way. It was after the 3rd lost job that I realized each time it was due to alcohol.
Hasn't worked in 5 years so she has lots of time on her hands.
She stopped drinking three years ago cold turkey for 3 months and at that time started going to AA. At first 10 to 12 meetings each week. She still goes to 5 or 6 a week today.
After she had been attending AA for three months (she was 6 months sober at the time) I knew she was cured, my problems were over. It was the best time of our marriage no question. One day I asked her how I could help a very close friend who had developed a problenm with alochol. I needed to find a way to make him stop, my wife was fixed so now I could move on and fix someone else. LOL
As she was leaving for an AA meeting on a Monday night in Sept. 06, I asked her to call one of her friend in AA and ask what I could do to help my friend. One minute later her friend told me I should try Al-Anon, and that there was a meeting at 7:30 that night 3 blocks from our home. I looked at my watch and I was 7:15. I made it on time and had high hopes to find out how to stop my good friend from drinking (that night I might add)
I might not be a quick learner, but I realized in that 1st meeting I was at the right place, but for the wrong reason. The program that night was on Step 1, and boy did it hit home to me. The next night I went to another meeting, a diffferent group. That was a little over two years ago and I might have missed ten meetings during those 2 plus years. I needed each and every one of them.
My A started back drinking about one month after I started in Al-Anon and is still a very active A, 12+ beers each day, but what one could consider a functional A.
I found out in Al-Anon that the "only" thing I did do right was that I never confronted my A one time over the years. It was also very hard for me to put the focus on myself. I tried to practice that and the more I did the better I became. But, when I put the focus on me I really had a problem thinking I was being selfish to my A and others in my life. Slowly but surely I got over that hurdle. Living with an active A will always present hurdles, but they are so much easier to jump with Al-Anon in your life.
I was the only man attending either of the meetings and I would listen to the ladies talk about how crazy their A had made them. I thought how silly, I knew I was not crazy because I had handled the last 13 years (at that time) and I knew I didn't have a problem, and I sure was not crazy. What a sad awakening I had after about 6 or so meetings. I realized I was just as crazy and a lot sicker than anyone at either meeting. I'm still the only man who goes to either meeting. The population of our county is over 100,000. I would venture a guess that there are a few other men In this county whose life "might" have been affected by this disease, or maybe they could be like I was, they don't have a problem. (YET)
Al-Anon has make me a better person, husband, friend, and employer. My HP was always important in my life. Now with Al-Anon in my life my HP plays a much greater roll than he ever did. I turned my A over to him about one year ago and I no longer try to lend my hand to help my HP out with her. He does a much better job than I was doing and it is amazing how much more time I now have to focus on myself and this wonderful program.
I love this program, I love what it has done for me and thousands of other. I try to practice it everyday. I enjoy giving back. I'm a work in progress, but the light in the tunnel ahead of me is no longer and on coming train.
I would like to thank John for Miracles In Progress. This is a great site and you deserve the credit, and a special thanks to all the MIP members who I consider family.
