The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Those of us who have lived with the effects of alcoholism can become obsessed with the behavior of others. We spend time analyzing behavior, figuring out motives , and identifying what we deem is wrong with the people in our lives. In Al-Anon we learn that excessive scrutiny of others can be counter productive . From the first meeting we are reminded to keep the focus on ourselves, not on the alcohoics in our lives. We soon discover that we can't build healthy relationships until we know who WE are.
OMG needed that so bad today.. Was just obsessing over my A hubby and how he lied to me.. I have been trying to put the focus on my not him... I have been doing a good job by not really dealing with him, but well I really needed to hear that today. Thanks, lori
Very thought provoking. I think for me it isn't even about learning who I am, it is also about having the boundaries in there and holding onto them like they are the holy grail. I was boundaryless most of my life. Now I have lots of them, some of them are thickets with roses in them. Others are more transparent herbs. I have them regardless. Behind tham and only behind them do I find out who I am.
its so insidious. excessive scrutiny of others. I used to think this was some kind of a gift from God- that I had some special sight that could see what was wrong with everyone around me and that it was my job to let them know! HA! How completely horrible!!!!! Man oh man do I need this program! Each and every single moment of my life, for the rest of my life. Great post- thank you for it. Hugs, J.
This is a good reminder for all of us. Thank goodness Al-Anon got me passed the stage of spending hours psychoanalyzing my AH. I never did figure him out and I only got sicker thinking about and pondering craziness constantly. You don't learn to be healthy by becoming obsessedwith sick behavior! Besides, you know what psychiatrists say "When you try to give psychological treatment to someone you are close to, you BOTH get SICKER". So, what if I ever did figure him out? There was nothing I could have done about it anyway. Now I am focusing on me and it is a lot more interesting. Thanks for the reminders!
