The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted yesterday about my husband and him going off on a drinking binge. Well I just dont know how or what to feel, I am feeling really empty inside. He just woke up from sleeping all day and is kind of acting like everything is " normal " , how is that. How can they go about their day like they did nothing to the other person.. He prob doesnt even remember and well to be honest prob doesnt even care. I am so sick of being in this marriage, it doesnt even feel like a marriage anymore. I took my wedding ring off, I cannot wear a symbol of love when there is none there. He was sober for 2 months and then binged at his familys house, then he was sober for another 2 months and then binged again, and that was three weeks ago , the other day he drank another beer at 11 am, and then last night. I see the huge pattern to what is coming and well just dont know if i can go down this road again. Not like I have much of a choice though, I have no family or friends around me. My family that is doesnt want to get involved. I have no job, no money, and a house here with my two dogs. i am 100% dependant on him. I am trying to get a job but well i know my escape from him will take some time, but how am i going to manage in the mean time. I am trying to just live my life for me but it is hard.. I hate being dependant on him... hate this. he can walk out tomorrow and leave me and i would have nothing.. i am so scared at what the next few months, even few days , well shoot next ffew hours is going to bring.. i cannot pretend like last night did not happen, but i dont want to even bring it up to him. My dad said today is another day, ya sure it is, but yesterday still happened. but i know through living with his addiction that saying anything just wont solve anything or make him want to stop drinking... well thanks for letting me vent...
Many of us have been in this situation. I have two dogs too.
I would highly recommend the book that Canadian guy is so generous to give away. That really gives you a perspective.
Making a plan be is an option. I brain stormed my plan b for a long time here. The act of making it really helped me to detach.
I know many of us have been in the positions you are in, dependent, resentful, afraid. We managed to find a way through this. There is hope. There is a time when you will have a life of your own. The magic of al anon is the ability to detach and work on yourself and not be totaly subsumed by what the A is doing.
I used to be a total wreck over what the A is doing, now I am not. I have been in the program for a few years and really since I am a slow learned it took me a while. Nevertheless I do not center my life now around others and am not destroyed by people's actions or thoughts.
I am so glad you have found this place. This is a wonderful, warm, loving place to come.
Thanks so much. I am so happy I found this site to.. I feel so much better with people who really understand.. My family doesnt and well I dont have any friends to be honest. I really want to go to a meeting but something, I dont know what keeps stopping me. I know it will only help, and well I really should go. Thanks so much, Lori
Hi Girlie! You know what? Knowledge is Power! All you have is time, so make the best of it. Take up some sort of class. There are many things that are interesting: medical coding, beauty school, insurance agent school, a computer class. Just enroll in something. Something that can take your mind off of things. He won't be able to take that away from you and it can help you in the future!
One of the many gems that my wise old sponsor taught me, when, like you, I was really upset and focussing on why/how my AW could drink and drink, cause all this chaos and upset, and then start the next day like nothing happened........ his words will ring in my head forever, as he gently but firmly told me.....
"why should she worry about it, YOU seem to be doing a fulltime job of that yourself!"
Just another wonderful reminder from him, of the need to focus on YOU.... As you learn the tools to do this, it WILL get easier, and you will get more clarity. I do recommend the GTS book, if you haven't already read it..... It was a lifesaver for me....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
You can go to meetings here. There are meetings twice a day, admittedly they are at EST times but they are worth going to. I know full well what it is to be obsessed.
"...we also are affected by the disease in that we get as insane or more insane because we don't have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality."
that is from the definition of the disease of alcoholism that we use to read during the start of my early Al-Anon meetings. It explained a lot about how my alcoholic was so detached from the problem and I had it stuck to me like velcro. She was drunk...I was wide awake and hating it.
There is soooo much to learn in the Al-Anon Family Group program. Some of what we learned your Dad said to you. Live in the moment but we had to be open to hearing that and willing to learn how to give it value and then doing it over and over and over until it became natural to our lives. Living in the future only made me think I was a fortune teller who loved guessing and being wrong.
Give the program a try. Al-Anon is how it usually appears in the phone book. Give it a call and ask where and when the meetings are.
