The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am kinda scared today. I feel so alone. I am going to go to my first church dinner tonight. My sister was supposed to come with me and my son, but she is sick. So I will be going alone with my son. I could easily say, oh well, won't go. But I can't do that. I made a promise to myself and to my exbf that I was going to get out and about to meet some new people and do some new things. I can do this. Even though I am very scared (I am very very shy esp in social settings). I can do this. After talking to my bf yesterday, I feel so very alone today. Like I want to move foward, but I wanted him to do it with me. But I know I have to move on for myself. I really am just numb today. Kinda like ok this is it...but very numb. I can do this.
I can empathise I have a lot of social anxiety and I know it played into my hanging onto the A. Well lots of things played into that. I went on a social outing yesterday and had a good time, not a great time but a good time. Remember not everyone is looking at you. I kept my expectations very low. I went, I talked to people. I did not meet Prince Charming. I did not get anyone's phone number but I did not stick out like a sore thumb either. I asked someone to go with me he did not. I let that go too.
I am so very glad I went. Practice, remember this is practice, not that you have to graduate today.
Please dont feel so alone, were all right here with you, and think of us all there with you tonight. You can do it and it will ok. I dont know how old your son is but kids are a great ice breaker in social situations, I'm sure everyone there will welcome you both. I'm sitting here alone also and would love to be going out tonight, I'm sure you'll meet some great people. Cant wait to hear all about it tomorrow. You go and enjoy yourself you deserve it.
MSLOUISE, I am sure that you will be just fine. One thing that may help you is the quote "fake it till you make it". Meaning, push yourself to go and try to feel like you fit in, because you do. Push yourself to meet just one person at the dinner and see how well that goes. It will get easier. I had to really push myself to make the first move to do things on my own, at it was scary and I felt lonely doing it, but I was doing it for me. After I got there, I just kept telling myself that I was just fine, participate, meet someone, just one person. I did and it helped to make things easier when I went back. As always we here at MIP are with you in spirit, we wish you the best and have every confidence that you will be just fine and feel even better after your dinner. So go! Enjoy!
I am walking right with you! It takes some getting used to. Reminding myself that I am never alone helps me, HP is always with me, what more can we ask for? Sometimes I pray for strength, it always comes. I try to remember that I came into this world alone and I have the ability to stand on my own two feet, anywhere I choose to go... one foot in front of the other.
After he left, I realized how extremely dependent I had been on my AH to support me socially in the past. He was so smooth and charming and well-versed in social etiquette. I would hook onto his arm and let him guide me wherever. Sometimes, he even spoke for me! Looking back, I wasn't socially inferior like I thought, he just always took charge. For years, I signed up to be his lovely side-kick.
Now, I am grateful for social functions of my choosing!! I am amazed that people tell me that I would be a great teacher or a public speaker. I am grateful I am no longer in the isolation.
It hurt when he left me. However, someone told me that HP had opened a door for me. My part was to walk through it and not look back, to stop fighting it.
Stay in the moment. Enjoy your life. Create your life. You're free!!
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I wonder how the love and support from the MIP here has helped to push back the cloak of fear you are experiencing. I love the feedback you have been given because I remember how it also helped me to breakout of isolation and to love and accept myself for exactly who I was at that time without condition. From the first event to present time the part of the program about self acceptance warts and all has worked in helping me have a life happy, joyous and free. I no longer suffer from fear of rejection or remorse at not being "like others" or like others want me to be. I am me... If it is good enough for God it's good enough. You won't have to do a extravagant solo song or dance or a recital and then have to face an applause meter. You will just have to be you and okay with being just you. No one will be expecting anyone else from you. This may be a lesson for self acceptance so that as you continue to work your program you will become comfortable in your own skin. Let down your guard and be okay. You're okay here. You will be okay there. Before you leave the house and are at the mirror getting your makeup just right tell yourself, "You're a really good person and I love you", then go socialize and eat up.
Take some ((((((hugs))))) with you. Yours in love and service .
I know how that feels, too. It can still hit me sometimes. But think about your kid. Think about what you are demonstrating to that young one. We have two choices, to walk in love or walk in fear. Demonstrate how you walk in love. Walking in love is all about walking in faith. Hugs, J.
You are definitely not alone. It is sad and new and scarey. You can do this because it is recovery and healthy. I have been by myself for over three years. Everything was scarey. But you are not alone because you have an HP that walks with you. You will grow and be a better person.
Well, I went to my dinner last night, me and my son. I was nervous, but I walked in anyway. There were a lot of people there. I got in line and immediatly introduced myself to the lady in front of me. She asked me if I was new here and I said yes. Then I looked around for a place to sit, and there were lots of empty tables which I could have chose. But I walked up to a table where people were starting to sit and asked if I could join them. This was huge for me! HUGE! Anyways, we didn't end up staying long becuase my son was having some problems, but I went. On the way home I cried all the way. I felt sad, and very angry at my ex, that he had promised it would be different this time and wouldn't leave me again, and here I am doing this by myself. But later that night, I just felt good. Like I do derserve better. And its just to bad the better has to be without my it. I am starting to look at myself more. I realize my self esteem is slowly starting to come back this time. It was non-exsistant and really took a beating. I will continue to get out and try different things. I refuse this time to sit by and wait to see what happens. I know I will probably still cry alot, but I think that's good that I am feeling the pain. I will work on myself and make things happen. Tonight I am going to a party at my al-alon group so I am looking foward to that. Moving on.... Thank you all...you do help me in so many ways!
I am so glad you went. And I am really proud of you for your choice in tables!!! I can so relate to that. I too have a hard time interacting with people I don't know but I so often now choose to push outside of my comfort zone. It can be so rewarding!
They say, courage is not the absence of fear... It's taking the action in spite of it. YOU are very courageous.
Soo grateful for what HP can do through you!!!
Be gentle with yourself. You are grieving. And in my experience, it will come and go for awhile. Don't let it alarm you... for me, it's been a year since he walked out and just yesterday, I was in tears again. This too shall pass.
((((hugs))))
-- Edited by glad lee at 09:14, 2008-09-25
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I am so glad you got your body out the door. I sure relate to your ambivalence.
For me it is still hard for me to walk into where we have our spiritual meetings. Always had my mother or husband to go with. Mother was very shy ML.
I can tell you, in time when you keep getting yourself out that door, it will become easier. You won't cry anymore.
Life has so many familiar parts to it. When we lose a loved one, we are thrown into a world we do not know. It takes awhile to work thru it all and get to where it feels familiar again.
What do you like to do? That may be easier to get yourself to. I went to the State fair alone, movies, to the beach, stayed at a cabin with my big dog.
Now I am very happy where I am. only place I want to go to is Africa....
I am sooo glad you got out the door. I hope you can continue to do that. Have you thought about taking a class in something you like? I do know when people are into the same thing they have something to talk about. I know I am much more comfy if my hands are busy as I meet people.
Plus maybe the goal is more for you to do what you enjoy, if you meet someone's that is extra?
Plus you are showing your son how to go out around people. I cannot tell you how important that is.
also I appreciate you updating us and allowing us to be of help for you.
