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Well Monday came and went and my wish for a normal day without the stress from my ex A B/F just didnt happen .As you may recall, my ex A b/f was returning home Monday from his rehab out in California. (4 ˝ months early)You may also recall that his mom asked me to pick him up from the airport.I told her I couldnt ~ which she wasnt too happy about.Hey, Im not a taxi service!He could find his own way home from the airport.
Im not sure what time he arrived home today, but my phone started ringing off the hook at 10:30 am! Caller ID clearly stated his number, I didnt answer.Private numbers started coming in, I didnt answer .He left so many messages that he filled my mailbox. I didnt listen to all his messages, just kept hitting delete delete delete after I listened to the 1st two messages. I didnt answer the phone nor did I call him back.It wasnt a good time for me to speak with him because I really feel that I need to be in the right frame of mind to do so.I dont want to be sympathetic nor do I want to appear angry, at least not yet.If I spoke to him yesterday I may have been both. I am still so angry that he screwed up his life yet again, when he was finally heading in the right direction .
Today is Tuesday and he has only called 3 times, leaving only one message. Yes I listened to it.Basically it said, Are you ok?Im worried about you.Please call me back.Thank goodness I changed my home phone number or that phone would be ringing off the hook as well.
When and if I am ready I will accept his call. Until then, I refuse to.
Of course I am curious as to how he is doing , whats happening with jail, whats going on with HIM but not curious enough to make myself vulnerable to his schmoozing way when he needs something. I refuse to be pulled into his web again.
Maybe a little bird will whisper in my ear and fill me in on all the details.Otherwise I may never know whats happening with him because I am honestly not sure when Ill be up to speaking with him.
Trying to stay strong and focused on ME, my 3 children, and my boyfriend without having any speed bumps tossed in front of me! I may have to change my number so I dont get a knot in my stomach every time my phone rings.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
If I were you, I know it is a hassel, but I would change my number.
Is your serenity, family and other loved ones worth this constant turning of the knife?
Your attitude sounds great. It is sad he did not complete his program. There are people who would LOVE to be in rehab, but cannot afford it or there is not a bed ready when they are ready.
I hope you can figure out how to detach from him and get right back into what is important to you.
HBINJ, you sound good. Keep hanging in there. Jettison everything "him" to HP- put it into his hands, the only hands that can manage him. Not yours. You focus on your bliss and never stop. Hugs, J.
One thing I do when the A does his flurry of calls is after the first call I put it on airplane mode. That is no calls in or out for a while. The A I was with did not get the message yet. I have not spoken to him for 6 months every now and then he does his flurry of calls. It is incredibly tedious. Changing your number may not be an option for you it is not for me. There are options though.
I do not generally listen to the A's messages. I work real hard on not knowing. Not knowing has been very very key for me. I had to really work on that. That is my own ESH. Not knowing helped me to detach enormously. If I knew I worried and was over responsible. If I didn't know I turned it over.
I think that it is called boundaries. You don't have to talk to him. You don't have to talk to him until you are ready. I feel like my AHSober has all the control. So I have to have some control. I don't call him right back, I don't answer right away, I say when the phone call has ended not him. He called this weekend and I decided to not call him back. My boundary. Couldn't do it because I knew that he either wanted to talk about divorce or take something from me. And I was having a good weekend so I continued to do so.
maresie wrote:Changing your number may not be an option for you it is not for me.
After thinking it through, changing my cell number might not be the thing to do. I changed my home number a while back (because he was calling in the middle of the night and waking up my kids) and it was a hassle giving everyone the new number. I like the airplane mode and will look into that option.
No calls today, so thats a good thing!
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
I just put it on airplane mode when he calls because he calls obsessively. Then after a few hours I switch it back on. I also have my phone turned down really low so I don't hear it and it doesn't disturb me and I work real hard on de-tach de-tach de-tach. I am no longer willing to give him a re-action. He thrived on them. He does not get to have power in my life anymore. I am in charge!
I work real hard on de-tach de-tach de-tach. I am no longer willing to give him a re-action.
I also try soooooooooooo hard to detach!! Some days are easier than others. When we were dating, it was very serious. Serious to the point that we talked about marriage. This was when I was naive though. I had no clue for months and months that he was an active drug user and alcoholic. I just thought he liked to have a good time. When he was around me, he was never 'drunk' or drugged up. Yes he would OCCASIONALLY drink 5 beers in an hour, but I think many of us have done that (maybe when I was 25). By the time I put 2 and 2 together, I was too far into our relationship.
I think so far I'm doing ok with detaching from him. Sure I still think about him. Wondering how he is, who he is with, if he's happy, etc etc. Then I snap back to reality and know that I made the right decision to walk away from our romantic (if you can call it that) relationship. Maybe I should say 'relationship as a couple'.
I can't lie, I do miss him a lot. But I dont miss all the drama he brought into my life.
Detach Detach Detach. I wish I could do it 110% 24 hours a day 7 days a week!!
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
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