The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hey... I've been thinking about the reactions that are instinctive in me. I am trying to change them but something is telling me that I need to think about where these reactions are coming from. That part is sorta easy. I often felt invisible when I was a child cause the focus was on the chaos caused by my dad's alcoholism. What I thought or felt wasn't often acknowledged. So, now as an adult I often feel powerless not only over the things I can't control but often over the things I CAN control. It was ingrained into my head as a child that there weren't too many high expectations of me but at the same time I was expected to be perfect, kinda ironic, huh? So, I have it in my head that I really can't do anything that people do every day. There is a little girl who doesn't think very highly of herself living inside my head.......
Except for the fact that you have a little girl in your head (because Im a guylol) you and I are very much alike. I was told I was worthless and would never amount to anything. I was lucky enough to get into Alateen at an early enough age and it helped me to learn that I was important. I had a lot of potential and I became the good man that I am today. Sometimes positive reinforcement, even small, can be truly beneficial. I often look into the mirror and tell myself that I am a good person and that I love myself. Yeah, sounds weird sometimes, but it works for the most part. Plus, when I wake up in the morning, I tell myself that I am going to have a good day. 99% of the time it works and I do. But life is life. 1% happens to be bad, but it doesnt feel as important to dwell on it anymore. :D
So, I have it in my head that I really can't do anything that people do every day. There is a little girl who doesn't think very highly of herself living inside my head.......
I understand all too well what you are saying. Fortunately, you can teach the little girl inside to think quite differently. Your awareness is the beginning of a whole new way to navigate your life.
I know it is possible; I speak from personal experience.
here's my esh. 6 months ago a roommate of mine who I had been quite chummy with stuck some notes all around the house which were to say the least horrible. I can't reproduce them here because they were so horrible. Goodness knows who she was referring to but they were awful.
I took some of them off what were the soap containers in the bathroom for example. World War III erupted then. She screamed at me and went for me royally. Stuck notes all over her door how I was going after someone who was disabled and all kinds of stuff. Talk about over reaction. Of course I was very angry and tore the note off her door.
After that I detached and then detached some more.
Move foward 6 months. One of the other roommates cleaned the kitchen, this alone merits a nobel prize! No doubt he went and complained about it to her that he wanted the nobel prize for it. I believe she gave him some greeting card but who knows. This morning out of the blue (and please remember I get up very early in the morning I used to feel tremendously sorry for myself that I got up so early and no one else in the house did). So this morning I get up and there is another note on the soap container in the kitchen. Another really horrible really immature crazy note. This time I feel nothing more than minor annoyance. I say nothing and do nothing. I am detached. That is progress not perfection. Of course I am annoyed, am I going to let a silly stupid note affect my day anymore, nope those days are over for me! . Am I going to take any action on it. Nope. The note speaks for itself. The author has totally described they are out "there". Do I need to validate it, nope, do I take it personally, nope. Do I know they are mad at me? Yep. Do I plan to do anything about it, nope. I know exactly where it is coming from. If anyone asks me about the note I am going to say I cannot read without my reading glasses which is indeed true. I think I am also going to get a headphone and play my radio when I am in the kitchen so I can detach even further. Before I would have riffed on something like this for weeks if not months. Progress not perfection! I am so glad I am not over involved anymore. Thank you alanon.
I am so grateful I went out to a social event last night. I know not being in a state of "self pity" helps me to "detach".
