The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just for today, maybe even just for the moment, i feel sad. the incident with my niece this week brought to mind another loved one. a young nephew, aged 20 or there abouts. he disappeared a few years ago. his pickup truck was found near the big city bridge. it is believed he commitied suicide by jumping into the river. his body was never found. i have just found out today his mother has passed away. from grief no doubt. i remember little D. as a toddler, i was carrying my youngest daughter, she is 23, he is gone, now so is R. it feels strange to me today. i feel gratitude. how is that possible when sometimes it just seems so bad. i am greatfull that i feel serenity within sadness. there was a time when i would be consumed by rage, anger, resentment , horror.... "how many more i would rant..., how many more will this diseasae steal from us!!!" i would be so exhausted with emotions i would not be able to function for days , i would feel completly and utterly helpless. not so today, today i am weary at the news, that is okay, i am human. i feel sad, and, that is okay too. it is normal. today i know that i am not helpless, i am powerless over this disease i cannot control it, i cannot cure it, and i did not cause it. i can calmly pray for my alcoholic loved ones, and, my family and friends who have suffered the devasting effects of this disease on their lives.
thank you for your kind replies. i did not know at the time of this posting that she committed suicide, although i did suspect it. it is at these times i find it almost a relief to admit i am powerless over something as big as alcholism.
