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Post Info TOPIC: Thank you all for your thoughtful replies


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Thank you all for your thoughtful replies


I want to thank you all for the replies to my post the other day about my brother.  You really gave mom and I a lot of good information, and a lot to think about.

Here is a quick update on the situation: He's left the hospital bed, and was baker acted and moved to the behavioral health section for an undetermined amount of time.  He spoke to my mom yesterday, and I was proud of her -- she really laced into him about her not being able to have him here at the house anymore.  Amazingly, he just acted like he was going to just come right back as if nothing ever happened.  But mom is a typical mother, and I just don't think she has it in her to throw him out.  And of course there are the legal problems involved with doing that.  But we did work out a plan to talk to his social worker, and have her pass on to him the FIRM conditions for his return.  I doubt he will even consider a single one of them, but they are totally reasonable, and at least mom won't have the guilt of making such a decision. 

The conditions include that he must immediately sign papers allowing us to permission to speak with his social worker, and allow us to be involved in and family counseling that they may request.  Also, he must immediately begin following every recommendation that they give him, which as far as we can gather includes an inhouse alcohol rehab after his release.  He must continue to follow all recommendations from the rehab.  Then of course all the standard no-drinking/no-attitude rules.

I would much rather see him go out on his own (living elsewhere), and do these things on his own, but I just don't see that happening unless he is somehow pressured into it.  He is under the impression that mom will not let him back in the house as it stands right now. 

I wish there was a way to avoid the major drama that mom is about to face, but no matter which way this thing goes the drama will be thick.

At this point all I can do is hope and pray that they will keep him long enough to clear his mind enough to at least think, act and talk with some inkling of rationality. 

Once again, thank you all so much, and I would love to hear some more opinions or advise.

Ken

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3854
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All those rules sound great and I wish u luck .  An alcoholic will agree to anything to get what they need , don't be dissapointed if none of it comes to pass , Please get your mom and yourself to Al-Anon meetings u both need support , until we stop enabling the alcoholic nothing will change . Learn all u can about the disease of alcoholism and how to detach from his behaivor while making him responsible for his own stuff , you need support from people who have been where your at an u will find that in Al-Anon rooms . good luck  Louise

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I came- I came to-I came to be



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2055
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Ken,

Glad you came back (and your mom too).  This disease is very cunning and baffling as you have already experienced.  The below may help you both understand a little more.  I too hope these boundaries are enforced for everyone's sake.  It's very easy, however, to underestimate the power of this disease.

yours in recovery,
Maria

Hello:

Have we met before? If not let me tell you a little about myself. I don't share myself with just anyone. I pick only a chosen few who will appreciate me, and then, only if the timing is perfect. I have chosen you. For people like you are very special to me because it is your kind who are perceptive to my many talents. You'll be very anxious to know me better, and as soon as we touch, the physical attraction between us soars. We'll continue our encounter, with me leading you down a path of pure physical exhilaration, and you'll beg for more.

At first our attraction will be purely physical, but you must realize that this is a very important phase of our relationship. Be confident that it will grow into something much deeper. I am. As we get to know each other better, you'll learn to come to me with your problems: For not only will I help you with them, but I will also take away their deep pain. I'll give you the best that I have, and I'll be patient. I'll know, in time, that you will give yourself totally to me.

When you are with me, you'll feel warm and secure. I will ease your mind, soothe away your troubles, and fill your soul with pleasure. With me, you'll feel as if you can conquer the world: As if you have a special key to happiness. You'll enjoy living again. I'll be the answer to your unspoken prayers. You'll soon wonder how you ever lived without me.

As our relationship grows, you'll start to exclude others from your life . . . but that's okay, you know that I can give you all you need. I'll be your lover, best friend, and confidant. I will always be available when you need me. This I will prove to you time and time again, and you'll realize that you don't need others -- when you have someone like me, all others seem inadequate.

So we'll see more and more of each other and decide that it is really impractical not to live together, so we'll make that move. Our life together will encompass many beautiful experiences. We'll do it all together: Swim in the ocean, picnic on the beach, fly kites; and whenever you feel the urge, we'll make love. Our relationship will be devoid of fights or arguments. I'll give myself totally to you, knowing that I'll receive the same in return.

You'll soon realize that you've dedicated your life to me. It will happen before you know it. I sort of take you by surprise, and you'll wonder if maybe you should take some time alone, away from me. After all, people say everyone needs some time alone, even if they are in love. And face it, you are irrestibly in love with me. So you vow to take some time alone, even though you really don't want to.

You'll start to spend the day in solitary adventure, doing something you've always wanted to do, after a few hours though, you'll find that you're not really enjoying yourself, and realize that you miss me more than you ever thought you could. You'll feel a terrible empty void without me and think about coming back home. It makes you a little angry that you didn't keep the promise to yourself, but you rationalize that you don't have to come back home, but rather you just want to. The whole way home you tell yourself that if you really want to spend the day alone, you could -- you just don't want to.

When you walk through that door, it will fill my heart with pleasure -- for I'd been hoping that you wouldn't spend the whole day without me. You'll come running to me, and I'll take you in my arms and hold you so tightly that it becomes a bit painful, but you won't mind. Though you won't see my face as I embrace you, I'll have a very satisfied smile. For it's the moment I have been waiting for. I've got you right where I want you. You now have no choice. You cannot live without me and I'll love it!!!

It's precisely at this point that you cease to be my lover and become my victim. You see, my ultimate goal is to murder you, and I have begun to do just that. But my methods are slow. I can do it slowly because you won't be able to leave me even though you know that I am killing you. That's the joy of it; the beauty of it! You will make a choice to die, and you'll let me do it.

Do you recognize me yet? You should . . . for you see, this relationship has already taken place between you and I. We are intimately acquainted, and now, I am patiently waiting for you to come back to me. I will follow you and wait for you wherever you go. I can wait forever -- for you see, I am your drug of choice -- alcohol (or whatever other addiction).

Source: Unknown




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If I am not for me, who will be?  If I am only for myself, then who am I?  If not now, when?


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2098
Date:

I hope u get to some F2F meetings, pick up some pamphlets, ask for a beginner's apck and look for A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic  and  The Merry go round called denial  if they have them (those are my 2 favorite ones).

You can buy pamphlets and get info on local meetings at www.al-anon.alateen.org

Sound like you and your mom could really use some support and getting educated will help tremendously.

Hang in there, things can improve, I know, my life has with effort and owrk and you are worth it!

__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
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