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So as you all know my "sober"abf moved himself out on Monday. I told him please do not take any money out of the account as we had pending payments - 1 of which was for a medical bill for him (we didn't have much in there anyways). On Tuesday am he texted me saying he withdrew $50. Asked him again to please not do anymore. Called me on Wed am to see if he could withdraw another $25. I said please don't and told him I didn't know what was going on with him, but I wanted him to know I loved him. (I know, stupid). He said it was no biggy he didn't need the money but proceded to tell me he was going to go hunting tonight with his buddies (very hurtful don't you think?). Well just found out he withdrew the money yesterday $25 (thursday).
I am so sad. At this point, it is so obvious something has to be going on. I don't know for sure, but I can't think that he would just stop loving me and act like a jerk all of a sudden if nothing else was going on. I did change my phone number (which was a huge thing for me). I am just so sad for him. I can't close our account yet because of outstanding checks yet. Just waiting on that. It is just very hurtful and just doesn't make sense. Anyways, I am doing ok...
I don't think A's do make sense. We really cannot make sense out of their actions. I had to surrender to stop trying.
I don't actually love my exboyfriend anymore but I did for a very long time. Then I saw that my love for him did not include a love for me.
I used to be very paranoid about the A and his backstabbing me to others. Now I know he did it regardless of how generous I was or how compassionate I was towards him. I think it took me a long long time to accept that.
I am going to change my phone number in time. I want to not have any more contact with the A I was with (he calls). I'm glad you are going to close the accoount. There is no point in living on pins and needles.
Since closing the account is not an option, why dont you call the bank and report his card lost. This way they will close out his card so he can't withdraw money which in turn could cause you to overdraw your account. Think though before you do it. Will he flip out? If so, I dont know what to suggest. If it was me though, I'd have his card frozen to avoid the embarassement of bounching a check.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
Wish it was that easy. He just walks into the bank and withdrawls it. So I just have to wait. But if he does overdraw you bet HE will be paying for it not me! Somehow, someway.
Even with all this pain he caused, why is it the hurt still causes me to care. Like care who he is with, care what he is doing? I shouldn't care because he hurt me so and I don't want to be treated like that. Just takes time I guess???
(((mslouise))) It does take time. Everytime a thought pops into your head about him, your love for him, who he's with, etc., just think to yourself "I deserve so much better, I deserve someone who loves me and will treat me the way I deserve to be treated". That's how I finally got over it. As for the money in the account, is there a way you could call the places who have outstanding checks, and ask them not to deposit it, withdraw the money then pay them by money order. I know you are worried about bounced checks, but trust me, if he keeps withdrawing money, they are gonna bounce anyway, and you're gonna wind up paying for it anyway, so best protect yourself now. QT
I invite you to: Call your bank, ask for help in how to deal with this asap. He could draw it all out and you would have a mess of bad checks and charges I bet YOU would be left with.
Protecting ourselves is taking care of our own business.
If you want to pm me, I could possibly help you to figure out your account. For instance how many checks are out? Do you know to whom?
If it were me, I would take every dime out. Call the people u owe and pay them cash. With his behavior still being open, this is the time to act.
The first time my now ex relapsed, he was draining the account. I had no idea what to do! I went down to the bank (8 months pregnant) crying and spilled it to the teller!!! Then again to the manager!!! My ex was putting in fake deposits in the atm and withdrawing immediatly the amount he said he put in. Yeah, that is out right stealing. Anyway, they froze the account but still paid on the checks that came in. Very nice of them.
Ex got sober again and silly me thinks it is ok to have a joint account with him again. This time he begins draining the account I transfer all money into MY savings account. I called the few checks that were out and paid them in cash.
The third time (yes, I said THIRD time) we had an account together (I'm a slow learner!) and he relapsed before he started draining the account I transfered all the money into savings and let the checks bounce where they may. I paid for them eventually. But HE didn't have access to money from me. I wasn't going to enable him in any way shape or form, ever. He got mad once. Oh well, I was pretty darn mad myself!!!! Who was the one in the wrong here? Me for protecting myself and my kids and paying bills or him draining every cent we had to go get high? Yeah, him, he was in the wrong. And I am not stupid...he loved to think I was but really, I was sweet, kind, caring, loving, I was human. He used that to get what he wanted.Yuck.
Get the money. He forfitted his right to any of it by lying to you. Use it to pay the bills, and get a manicure (that is the least you can do for yourself) and close that account.
