My friend's husband is an ex drug addict. They are currently separated and he came for a visit. I was able to view the behaviors of both the Alanoner and the Alcoholic. It gave me a totally different perspective. She was incredibly mean to him and was right in his face reprimanding him for every mistake he made. I felt bad for him and could understand why he kept leaving her. It certainly didn't seem like a loving marriage. I felt very ashamed at my past behaviors toward my ex A. I had no right to monitor or judge his every move. It was like in order for me to feel superior I had to put him down. I wanted a dog, not a husband. Shortly thereafter, my friend stopped by my house and I had a laundry basket of folded clothes in my living room. I have been busy working online and put putting the laundry away to the side until I was finished working on a project. The next day she stopped by again and saw the same laundry basket sitting in my living room. She shamed me for not putting my laundry away because it was still sitting there. I felt very angry about her judgmental attitude and realized that I did this same shaming behavior to my ex. I really think HP was placing me in this situation to show me how I acted to humble my judgemental attitude. I was always a compulsive cleaner and chose to modify my behaviors to have a more healthy balanced life. I have been walking for an hour every evening and spending more time talking with my daughter instead of worrying about how perfect my house looks.

My friend came by and I made dinner. She started doing the dishes after dinner and I told her not to worry about doing the dishes. She remarked, "I am obligated to do something for you since you did something for me". Yikes! Yet again, I was shown how I kept score in my past relationship with my ex. That was not loving behavior either. I am really embarassed about my part. My ex did some not so nice things, but that does not excuse my behavior. This has been a very humbling experience for me.