The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
( TRUE STORY) A member of my group called to talk to me late this afternoon. She is 100% detached from her daughter after 15 years of strugles and 7 rehabs. She made that decision almost a year ago. She has never looked back, as hard as it has been she has stuck to her guns. Her three grandchildren live with her ex son-in-law. The divorce was 3 years ago. She still has a close relationship with him. He is a good father and provider, and grandmother makes the 50 miles trip to see and check on them at least once a week.
With all that in mind like a lot of us she has a bit of a control problem, or the type of personally that needs something to worry about or fix. Well dad gave his childern a new puppy for Christmas. Cute pup but not exactly house broken yet. Mine you it is not grandmothers pup, or grandmothers house, or grandmothers problem. But, grandmother has to worry about something remember!!
After several minutes of conversation on the 50 mile trip back from Birmingham telling me how she could not understand after 8 months that the problem could still exist. Even though the childern are very happy, and their daddy seemed not to be overly concerned even when an ocassional mishap did happen.
I had listened with open ears and open mind. Usually a member on the other in of the phone does'nt even have to offer a suggestion. The member who calls with a problem will on most occasions answer their own questions simply by discussing it with someone else, and all you have to do is listen to the conversation and then say something like, I think that is a great way or maybe, I think that is the best posible way for you to deal with the problem.
That was not to happen today. Since we have known each other for years I could feel the dreaded question coming. It is that question no one in Al-Anon that is on the other end of the phone ever wants to hear. What am I going to do about this RLC, please help me it is driving me crazy? With that, I said you know full well I am not suppose to tell you what you should do, that would be against everything I have learned in this program. But, this one time and one time only I am going to tell you exactly what to do. You need to "detach with love from the damn dog". There was a hesitation on her cell, and when she came back she said, RLC you are excactly right, it is not my problem and none of my business, thank you.
Detachment is one of the great tools of this program, but I have been thinking. I wonder how many times "Detachment With Love" has ever been tried on a dog? Have a nice weekend. RLC
(((Maria))) Just for what it is worth. I have two black labs,Sadie 10, Ellie 3. They are both inside dogs, go to my business with me everyday, are with me 24/7. I have 3 two legged children and 2 four legged childern. One is laying on my left, one on my right as I write this post. I don't have a problem detaching from my AW, but detachment will never happen between Sadie, Ellie, and RLC.
