The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow, when my dad heard of my breakup with BF he said : sorry your sad- I think all my kids are too good for everyone they choose (kiddingly) anyway so it will all be okay
MY mom had to add the guilt trip: Well if you let him move back home I hope you will do me one favor and have a wedding this time- I swear sometimes I feel like physically assualting that old woman.... Like I'm gonna be worried about a wedding when we can't even make living together work and so many issues are of serious concern and she is still dumping guilt on me- oh yea and she said "honey" you are never gonna find someone who is everything you want in a person. Bull I could to if I want to! Like I am so horrible and desperate I couldn't do any better anyway- my hate for her is something I'm sure I will have to make ammends for.. wow just being honest.
I am really not bad looking, I am smart and caring and can do really good in my work when not focusing on another person too much--she is a liar and probably just needs to prove I'm less than cuz she is nothing- now let me tell you how I really feel,.... She is such a "xxxx" -- Edited by glad at 14:41, 2008-09-08
I am going to be 59 next month. I have never, I repeat never gotten along with my mother. What a dear person she is to everyone else but me no. I find that I have to set really, really firm boundaries when I am with her. Sometimes I just have to leave the room. Never much good to say and when she says something positive I do not believe her.
yep my mistake was opening up to her at all in the first place. I have to be nice to her because my dad sees it at his mission in life to keep her on a princess pedastal- just like his dad did his mom- who was also kind self centered and rude. Well anyway I don't hope to someday find a guy who puts me up there I hope to NEVER be a princess, but a partner, friend and coworker in life-so I guess I did learn something from my mom - I learned how much I don't want to be like her!!!! Thanks for the support it always helps to know others - know where your coming from. Hugs...
My father is the downer for me, when he says something nice now, I always wonder what the catch is, he is always putting on a show for someone, a crock of ****, yes I can identify, he's still managing to come first now while his second wife is dying of brain cancer, Oh how is it affecting him, is the mantra thats coming out of everyone's lips. She's not my favourite, but I feel compassion for her and its horrible not being able to express yourself when ill, in case it upsets him as he is having a hard time dealing with this, yea right. He manages to drink himself into a stupor most nights which doesn't make him the most reliable care giver, I've given up worrying, but I have to really force myself to have sympathy for alcoholism sometimes, it really is the disease of denial.
"You can never choose your parents..." or something like that is what I heard along time ago and for me I had to learn that there are differences of opinion and values and character in everyone. My Mom was my Mom and she came with a personality and experiences. At one time I pretty well rejected all of it and that was until I got into program. In program I learned to accept her for exactly who she was and that became my definition of love so you can say I learned how to love her unconditionally. At the same time I was learning how to love myself unconditionally and to reset my own value systems and boundarys for my self. Wow was that a growth spurt because when I started doing my 4th steps and 5th steps I came to admit that the only problem was me and the only solution was God not my mother. That leveled the playing field and over time in recovery I became the son my mother could appreciate and find support from. That wasn't my goal it was an added benefit to all my affairs. I pretty well spited my Mother and Step-Father because of my thoughts about what they represented to me and my feelings of anger and rage and resentment and more. Before she died and because of this program I could become a supportive person in their lives when I was around them even to receiving affirmations about being of unexpected carrier of understanding to them both. I was just giving away what I had learned and practiced in Al-Anon and other venues.
Your feelings are yours. If they seem toxic and hurtful to your peace of mind and serenity you can change them anytime you want. Feelings are just that feelings. They are not facts and you can choose to feel what you want to feel anytime you want. I like healthy feelings. I don't hang on to the negative and toxic ones for long.
My mom says the most horrible things. I have come to expect it and now my sister and I laugh about it. But when she told me I was possessed by a demon and going to hell when I was 17, it was a really horrible experience. Now when she says it, I laugh. I love her. I hate the disease she has. Hugs, J.
