12 in the morning..night time..dark night..quiet once again

my mind races to my a..haven't heard from her tonight..a blessing in disguise?...or just a blessing!!

don't mean to sound cruel..as i do miss her and do feel a bit uptight that she may be hooking up with someone else..but i got to give all of this over to a power greater then myself right now...a power that knows things besides myself


the relationship got to ugly for me?..or was it right on the mark for me?

anyway...in many ways i am glad i am alone tonight and she is away..and another part of me misses her..misses some of the good lovi ng and sharing...but it is a sort of wheel..aient it..almost damned if she stayed and damned if she left..neither one of these options is what i wanted anyway

find something sturdier and more deffinite in thought action and feeling...something which i don't want to give away..something which i wouldn't want to let go of..for any reason

what is love..or being in love?...as opposed to simply working out and working through all the dillemmas of the past..all the crap i had and have taken from child hood..and bringing all that in and simply reacting from that

i want something sturdy and real and light and full loving..where one knows where one stands and one knows what one feels

for me right now...the common thing is simply being alive..feeling human and letting go of all of the negative aspects of my life...the stuff which has either haunted me or held me back and down for decades

ran into an old drug 'buddy' in a meeting today...glad to see she was there..almost felt like crying...sort of strange

but life works its own magic these days..and in many many ways i am willing to simpy take he ride

ask my higher power for blessings,..and prayers to the others in my life which cause me much conflict and uncertainty..asking for their higher power to help them follow their higher powers will for them...and praying for hope and forgiveness and sanctity and believability and a way..any way to keep my negative character traits in check..so as they do not over take me..and send me reeling off into the stratosphere...where after i come crashing down..hard..to the ground..like a high coming down

so what have i learned over these past two to three months..boundaries..a sense of self worth and some pride...good healthy pride

i have learned to put my needs in front of others..at least till i can get myself working correctly

i have learned to begin in trying to give it all..all of it..the good bad and ugly over to a power greater then myself..the universe as i will call it..the correct energy system..all of that

looking for gratitude in my every day life..in a ll of my affairs..and wisdom hope serenity and action..pure positive action..as in an action program//taking action inspired to me by the will of a power greater then myself

trying to follow tht will..doing the next right thing..moment to moment...as well as i can for today

progress not perfection and realizing process

its all a process as i am a process

letting go..giving it away..my character defects...giving them away to the universe..my short comings...giving them away to the universe

hp...grant me all of your serenity wisdom and courage...help me to do your will for me..following your will for my life..releasing me from the bondage of self

serenity faith and courage and as always..each day to day..more positive hp influenced and directed action..action action

peace to all reading this..and a special night and day to you all