The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am trying really hard to not react to the things going on in the A's life. Though this morning when his boss texted me to see if I knew where he was, I not only suggested where I thought but also texted my sister in law to let him know they were looking for him. When I did it I knew I was overstepping. I am trying to be still and let my HP work out things for me and his HP work out things for him, but it is like my mind is still so cluttered with him. It is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. Thanks for letting me share.
Recovery comes with listening, thinking before I respond rather than reacting and then practicing, practicing, practicing. Our compulsion is to fix, direct and control and this is what gets us in trouble, our allergy just as the alcoholic and addict have the compulsion and allergy to chemicals. Giving youself 3 to 4 seconds before reacting will help tons. It's okay not to participate; to step back and away. It's okay to tell others no. NO is a complete sentence and it is okay to use it when you are refusing an invitation to participate.
I overstepped many times throughout the years. That kept me constantly thinking in circles, keeping my thoughts in chaos.
I hadn't gotten a phone call for my oldest AD in years. Last week some very nice lady called as I was listed as her emergency contact #.
It seemed she had a counseling appointment and they wanted to move her up. I told her I had no idea how to get ahold of her as she never has a phone, and let it go at that.
As Jerry says, it's okay to not participate
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I used to always get calls from my ex A's bosses after we had split up because he put me as an emergency contact. I always knew when he was off on another runner. I just say I'm sorry, I don't know and leave it at that. You're ok, it'll get easier as time goes on. Just try to think is this something that applies to me? If not then don't deal with it.
I need to stay away from that fix, direct and control thing, boy does it get me into bother, I have just learnt it off by heart, fdc, back away, crazy making isn't it.
Our accountant is constantly asking me about my soon to be x AH and encourages me to "get him to do X, Y and Z". I simply tell him that I have no idea where he is or what he is doing. I have also told him that I have absolutely no control over him or what he does or does not do. J.
