The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi guys, really struggling this morning re: housing...I just moved to a new part of the country and am living in a temporary situation in a shared household with another woman- its OK but not ideal. I have this picture in my mind of what I want and I found it (I think) but cannot afford it yet. I am trying to chill out and let go but its hard.
You see, I have been living in rented rooms in shared households for the past 3 years and while its been OK, its not ideal. I have made the best of it and been grateful to have a roof over my head and a simple, safe living living situation as I completed grad school, etc. Before this time, I owned my own home with an A, had lots of room, etc. and before that, I lived alone and loved it. I want to get back to that living alone and loving it!!!!!
But HP has other plans for me at the moment. I must admit, I have had a great time living with all the people I have over the past 3 years. Its been beneficial to me (and to them). I have learned alot about sharing space, living cooperatively, dealing with communication and boundaries, etc. with NON alcoholics, its been great. Prior to that I lived with an A which was horrible. Before that I lived alone in peace!
Please, if you have any ESH about managing impatience (!!!), I would love to hear how you do it. I know I am exactly where I need to be and that in time, what is perfect and the very best for me will appear along with the money to make it happen- this is the way of HP. Thanks and hugs, J.
My sponsor always tells me to be careful what I pray for because I might get it! I quit praying for patience because God would always give me plenty of opportunities to practice it and I'd blow it every time! LOL!
I moved into the house I am currently in back in 1995, just as I was finishing up an externship for the tech school I had enrolled in.
It was a nice house at the time.
With no maintenance now from the landlord for almost 13 years, only him fixing things as they went wrong, well, it's falling apart.
I have a leak on the back porch roof.
The brick foundation is crumbling down in the basement, and the basement has had water in it several times, with no sump pump.
The bills are astronomical.
Last year I thought I had found the perfect solution.
With the youngest AD having a horse, I had learned of a nice 2 bedroom trailer out in the country, fenced-in pasture, and much lower utilities except for the propane to heat in winter.
Because I was in dire straits financially, I would have to rely on my folks to help with the moving expense, and they said no.
Had I moved out there, I would not be taking online classes now. There are only dial-up services for the internet, and I have to have DSL.
Had I moved out there, I would have been pouring gas like crazy in the car because it was a 20 mile round trip to town and back for groceries.
Had I moved out there, I would not have been able to just hop in the car and drive a few blocks to see my sponsor, or attend a meeting.
Almost 13 years now, Jean, in this falling apart house. I've learned to make the best of what I have, and trust that things will work out as they should.
I am where I need to be right at this moment, and so are you! (((((hugs)))))
__________________
"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
My therapist just said to me set up a private space of your own and guard it carefully. I think that might help. I know I live with other people I post about it often. I can let it run my life.
I also have to deal with impatience. I'm one year out from leaving the A and really struggling tremendously. To move to another space metaphorically and physically is going to require herculean work by me. I know it is also going to take time, lots of it.
This is a topic at the forefront of my mind almost daily. My families living conditions could be considered truely horrid by some. We have lived this way for years and are working to make the best of it. Sometimes it feels impossible. Other times I am ok wih waiting it out. I think when the impatience hits me I need to look at HALT. Often if I am not taking care of myself, the impatience can start to overtake me.
I know that it is going to be a couple of years digging out of the mess that Aism has made of our lives before things reallystart to improve. That is just my reality and it helps to keep looking reality straight in the face so that I don't forget my goals and get off track. I keep in mind small steps that are taking me towards the goals. Some of them include self improvement steps like relearning how to pinch my pennies to get what I really want/need. It feels good to put any little extra that I can toward a bill that needs caught up as I remind myself that that is another small step toward a better living condition.
Anyway that's what sort of helps me.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Aloha Jean...good to hear you are recovering and looking for more tools.
For me I use my emotions to set up my motivation to change. I don't like impatience or frustration at all. I feels real bad and uncomfortable and I don't like the confusion and my reactionary language and behavior. When my emotions trigger my need I go to the opposite condition. For me the opposide of frustration is patience. The slogan I use is Easy Does It, Let go and Let God (immediate practice), D o n ' t react!! and others.
I have learned that this is a mind, body, spirit and emotion recovery program and my sponsor told me that if I am not recovering on all levels I am not recovering. All levels are attached to each other. One affects the other so today I accept that as accurate and work it that way.
Remember that you are responsible for your condition; what you think, what you feel, how you act and the condition of your spirit. You can change what you are responsible for. If you know what you want do what you need to do to get it and stay safe and healthy.
