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My "Astarkravingsober" has been grumpy for 2 days now. He complains about stupid things. Of course I ended up arguing with him, couldn't help myself. Really I was defending myself and trying to show him my point which he did not care about. He's playing the blame game again, and again, I am not taking the blame. I had to tell myself that when I walked away from the situation.
Geez, he changes his attitude/personality every week. Well it was about the same for a while and now we're back at square one? I'm guessing he's complaining cuz he doesn't get his way with everything.
This is so stupid, but I'm going to talk about it. He had bought a variety pack of chips, and I ate the last 2 small packs of doritos this past weekend while he was gone. He came back and complained that the doritos were gone. That was what he wanted and noone of the other varieties. But of course he eats everything I buy and I don't mind sharing. He takes, but does not want to give.
I figured it did not matter which kind of chips was gone, he just wanted to complain. He came back home happy last sunday (he's doing weekends at the jail for a fine). This sunday of course I expected the same (I know I should not have any expectations). I was wrong.
Oh yeah, when he got home Sunday, he asked who was at the house. I told him noone was here. He said that he saw tiretracks that were fresh. Guess he's imagining things because noone was here. Maybe he was trying to make me feel guilty?
Well today when I thought he was leaving for AA, I called him and asked what the deal with his bad mood is. He said "it's your fault", well anyway, he hung up, came back 20 minutes later.
Earlier today, my daughter and I left and went to town. After being gone for like 3 hours, he calls, wondering what I'm doing. Really I should have said I left and stayed gone so long cuz of his grumpyness, but I didn't say that.
Seems to me like his "drinking attitude" is showing up again. I do know for a fact he is not drinking. Or maybe his "real self" is coming through. I'm trying to stay detached, and I did have a good day regardless of his mood (for the most part).
What really gets me is his extreme attitude changes. Can anyone relate? Guess it's selfish, selfish behavior that just will not stop.
I also told him that I went to f2f meetings, and I don't think he liked that, even though he did not say that. I look forward to tomorrow's meeting. I need it so badly.
I feel like something is trying to suck me into my old behavior, but I can not let that happen.
(((buick23))) It sounds to me like your AH is offering you a ride on the infamous "merry-go- round, roller coaster" combination. The tools we learn to use form Al-Anon make it easy to turn down the free passes our A's offer us for that ride.
You described several typical traits of A's in your post. Some terms you used were, his drinking attitude, it's all your fault, trying to suck me in, he has been grumpy, his selfish behavior, trying to make me feel guilty. Yet, nothing he tried on you worked. No free ride for you today. You should be proud of yourself.
Sounds like he is practicing the "fear" part of his own program Buick. You don't have to participate. If you have an ODAT (One Day At a Time in Al-Anon) daily reader (CAL literature) try out page 13 and others that fit the subject. Get phone numbers of the members in your area and talk with them. Have you heard about getting a sponsor?
Alcoholism or Addiction and fear are siamese twins.
I see soooooo much growth and recovery in you already . I can relate to needing those meetings. That's how I went from once a week to twice a week and that in and of itself is growth and recovery.
Way to go, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
the fear part of his program? Guess it doesn't help that he's not going to rehab 3 times a week anymore. It kept him so busy besides work and AA. Anyway, noone of my business I guess. I do not have a daily reader yet. Maybe I'll be able to read page 13 and others at the meeting.
I do have phone numbers of the members but don't know any of them really. I have seen most of them once, some twice. I would feel wierd calling someone I barely know and talking about that stuff. I suppose it is okay to do that in alanon. Anyway, I haven't really thought about the sponsor thing too much. We'll see.
. I can relate to needing those meetings. That's how I went from once a week to twice a week and that in and of itself is growth and recovery.