The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
just got home from a pretty full day all though all is not well but i think the universe and the will of my hp helped me make a few decisions today that hopefully...or with out doubt..where the right decisions to make
i made two meetings today..one of them was a fourth step meeting and the underlining aspect of fear was prevelant in everybodies shares
how fear has been their number one nemisis..as it probably is my own
fear of looking foolish or fear of making the wrong decisions...fears of others reactions to the things which i might want to do..i think..is a huge one for me
not wanting to rock the boat..perse
the other meeting was a general discusion on gratitude..and even though i shared that i was grateful for the meeting..the afternoon meeting..i didn't seem to convincing to myself..as i was sitting next to a woman who when i first got into the program thought i was gonna marry her
well...shes already married...with kids..happily i do not know...but i think i was a bit nervous being so close to her
anyway..my a is in detroit...haven't talked to her in a couple of days..i assume she is still there...and my ex called me today from the beach..wanting me to come down..i think we are friends now but there has been so much drama with her...and thievery and a lot of bad things..well..i skipped the beach and just hung out..went to my meetings and took a long drive..and sang a lot
i think it was a pretty good day
i am alone now..and even though my a is gone in some ways..well..lets just say when she was around...from a scale of one to ten...when it was good it could be a 9 or ten..but when it was bad it could be a minus forty thousand..without her i think i am on a steady six or seven..and i guess i feel much better about that then the swinging pendulum of the other stuff...so i guess i will take it
i am beginning to understand..i think..the higher power thing a bit better these days...leaving it up to the universe...asking the universe for help when i need it...no more rushing around..beingnervous..anxiety...all of this...right now...today..i would like to hand over to the universe and my hp...sometimes it works better then others
anyway...all of my skills are not in tact yet...and my network is small to none existent...but i am keeping myself relatively busy...and am somewhat proud of my work and were i am these days...not perfect...never will be...but just feeling a bit more balanced...useful etc etc
hope all have a wonderful evening and god bless you all
charles, I think I see improvement in you! You made a great decision re: going for a drive and singing- I do that too and it helps me a lot! I think its all the good breathing that is needed when we sing and how our minds unwind like a ball of yarn when we drive some times. See, you did something that YOU wanted to do...something that was good for YOU to do. Keep following your own bliss, keep close to your HP and do what that "universe" says, that small still voice that is your greatest ally. I think you are doing just fine and wanted to congratulate you! I also think its great that you attend lots of meetings, its such a healthy thing to do for ourselves, I am not sure exactly how or why it works but the more u go, the better you get, I swear! Nice work- Hugs, J.
Keeping busy is so key. I think its wise to listen to our boundaries. I'm not sure I would go to a meeting where an exA I dated for a year was. I know there would be issues. I avoid them. There is no point digging that up.
I know for me its so key to be on task and on some kind of purpose. I think it takes a while to get a network and a sponsor and more. I don't think that all comes overnight.
