The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Again, thanks for letting me post so much this morning. I am having one of those days. I think that I am ok with the fact that the A was with the other woman and I think that I can be ok that he went out last night,etc. I mean obviously he is getting on with his life post incarceration and it just does not include me. I am a big girl. I can handle it. Now, I know this sounds silly, but I still worry what he and others think of me. I do not want to be seen as a victim. I want to appear strong. I feel like that by my repeated questions and discussions about him and the other woman this weekend I "showed my hand" and how weak I really am on the topic. I know his sister in law probably told him this and now he thinks I am "carrrying on" about him. They could obviously see my jealousy. I also told her about my antidepressant change and anxiety, etc. I know they think that I am crazy. I know he thinks I am obsessed again and I had tried so hard to change my image. haha I know it is not my business what others think of me, but I am a little preoccupied with this today. Thanks for letting me clear my mind. Love to YOU ALL!!!!
CoD. I am glad that you keep coming here and posting it sounds like you keep coming up with your own answers, which is good. If you don't already know this, you are a strong person. You needed help, recognized it and sought it out here with others who can share with you. You seem open to others responses here at MIP. It doesn't make you weak to think that other's may have their own opinions of you and how you react to your A's actions or lack of actions. I think it is par for the course. I think you need to keep in touch with how much that effects you and if that makes you act differently. You have to take care of yourself. It takes time to make changes in your life and sometimes, you are making a change and you end up going back to the same behavior. So then you just realize that is what you did and try again. We are all progresses in work. It does not happen over night nor does it happen without determination. As far as medications go, if someone does not suffer from the same issues they will never understand having to make changes in meds and the side effects from them. You do what you have to do for yourself. Keep coming back and posting, we are all here to support you!!
I, too, am glad you keep coming and keep posting. God bless my very first sponsor. Without her never ending love, support and listening ears, I don't know where I'd be today. No one ever said it was going to be easy but I was promised that if I kept coming, I would feel better "overall."
There are days, sometimes weeks, when it seems like my program isn't working (and this is one of them) but I know it's my disease (from living with an alcoholic) that's trying to pull me down, trying to distort my thinking. So I fight a valiant fight against this disease and hope you will continue to as well.
love in recovery, Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
