The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I moved out on my AH in Oct. '05. It was the best and hardest decision of my life. Three years later I sit in a much happier place. I'm not sure that it's the right choice for all but in my case I feel I saved my life and his life. He has been sober ever since. He is happy and involved with someone that makes him happy. I too am involved with a very sober and loving man. I bought a house and moved on. Life is good, even though this year has been very tough. My new years resolution was to get fit and healthy. I was sick with constant colds and flus for the first 3 months! Then my 87 year old mother had surgery and she never recovered. It was three months of hell for her and for myself and siblings. My mother was alive but not there. I started mourning her then and when she passed away on 08/08/08 all I could feel was a huge sadness and relief that she was finally at peace. My X AH came to the memorial and my siblings rushed to my side to tell me he was there, expecting me to fall apart. Nothing was further from the truth. He was her son in law for 22 years and he was there to support me and our son. I hugged him and we talked while everyone walked on egg shells around us. I was never so proud of him! MIP and Alanon has taught me so much and I'm also so proud of myself in not falling back into my old ways of being a door mat around my family. It was a difficult time for all of us and I took care of myself around it all. There were many times when I was close to falling into the old patterns but I talked myself back to telling them what I needed and not just doing what they wanted me to do! My boyfriend was recovering from open heart surgery, my car was acting up and I had no time off available at work but I kept focused and kept a sense of humor through it all. Everyone kept waiting for me to fold. But God was with me through it all. I knew I wasn't alone, sometimes a bit crazy but not alone! So I'm here tonight to thank you all for the support you offered me through the years. I check in once in awhile. I usually don't post but the wisdom I receive is endless and always reminds me that I belong here and love you all. To you newbies, this is a very valuable source of support, love and wisdom. Please attend ftf meetings and do the leg work. You're worth it!
I have noticed also how huge crisis that would have had me curled up in a catatonic state before alanon, now seem so much easier to tolerate. Overwhelmed is not a constant feeling anymore.
Congrats on staying in your program with your ex and your family. Accepting who they are and being yourself no matter what they expected. That is a beautiful description of this program.
Again, I am sorry for the loss of your mom but that she is in a better place today...
What an incredible post. I was thinking today about the whole issue of not reacting. I have been such a reactive person most of my life. I'm currently living around people who are highly reactive and codependent and who all have their issues. I make a huge point of not reacting. I found myself really hypersensitive to everything. Being busy has been part of the equation as when I'm busy and focused I don't have as much time to react!
I am so happy for you that you have made it through such tremendous stressors. I'm not sure I could be in the vicinity of my ex boyfriend as he is not sober as far as I know. I go far far far out of my way to avoid any contact with him and anyone who knows him.
I'm glad that al anon has helped you to have a healthy and productive life.
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength & hope. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother this month. Enjoy the good memories, no one can ever take them away from you, know that in time the saddness becomes almost bearable. I've lost a parent, in my mind it falls under the category of being a parent ...you can't explain it to others, each of us must survive the lesson. It helps to know she's no longer in pain. Thank you again for your post. Good work.
8/08/08 all I could feel was a huge sadness and relief that she was finally at peace. My X AH came to the memorial and my siblings rushed to my side to tell me he was there, expecting me to fall apart. Nothing was further from the truth. He was her son in law for 22 years and he was there to support me and our son. I hugged him and we talked while everyone walked on egg shells around us. I was never so proud of him!
