The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
whats up folks..well the a called me last night complaining about some recording she found on her phone..i guess it was something i had put on there...the phone was mine before i gave it to her...something about me saying something about my ex
she called a bit riled up..of course
1000 miles away does not stop the a from being a pain in my but
i understand she is hurt but i need some peace of mind with all of this
anyway..it just got me mad...got my goat
anyway..i'm just rambling..i guess i'll just talk more later
all this high school he said she said..i'm hurt...angry at you
if you knew some of the stunts my a pulled on me you would say...what the hell is she complaining about that crap for...just a lot of hypocritical stuff
oh...and of course she was high and drunk when she called
i've learned to somewhat turn it off...just say...yeah...hmm..hhmm..blah blah blah
just went to an acoa meeting and sat in the non beginner room and feel a bit over whelmed right now
the energy and the topic really has got me in a little bit of a loop
we talked about the victim role..how it is played out etc etc
i think..along with my a being gone ..has really got me a little nervous
somehow i am reminded of myself in california when i was in my twenties...and a girl i loved back then but couldn't quite get myself to stay with...a pattern that continues to this day
but it almost is as if i reminded about my 'former self'
almost another time and place that has escaped me for years...at least the past year
maybe i am seeing the affects of my present relationship on me or maybe i am just being reminded..more and more..about who i am..what life and feelings are
i felt nervous and scared after the meeting..didn't really want to talk with anyone
maybe i felt that i haven't been in the program as long as some of the others and it just made me see who i am..and where i am at in my life and in my own being and soul
i think i fell in love with everyone in the room for the first time..or at least saw the commanalities between myself and the folks in the room
something sad...magical..empowering and ultimately healthy??
this i am not to certain about
just feeling a bit lost...maybe even seeing some of my co dependent traits coming out..or at least trying to change some of my patterns that i feel have left me numb..i guess right now i feel a bit numb..sometimes sitting for an hour and a half..hearing shares..remembering to breath...other peoples energies and stories..sometimes i guess it can just be overwhelming
maybe i am simply letting go of some of my defenses and being that much more vulnerable..feeling that much more vulnerable got to me to the point in which i felt a bit stuck in myself
i know this to shall pass..it is simply interesting to be somewhat aware of it
hearing some of the shares makes me realize that there may just be another world for me to tap into
i still have not gotten a sponsor oin this program and really no phone numbers..something in which i do have in my aa program
maybe this is simply a little more intense for me..a bit more scary as i feel more fragile with all of this
anyway..thanks for listening and reading and thank god that this post and bulliten are here because i feel it is helping to safe my life
The A who I was with had abandonment issues. When I left him (finally) I believe he had a real hard time of it. Months after that I cut off all contact, I believe it took me a good 8 months or so from the point where I left him to the point of no contact at all. Everyone varys in how they detach and set limits.
Ahhhh, the insanity of the active A....ain't it grand??
Alcoholism is a terrible disease and it does terrible things to the A and those of us who love them. I am sure that you know that from personal experience, but now you are on the other side.
I would strongly encourage you to find an Al-Anon home group and an Al-Anon sponsor. While both groups work the Steps and the programs are rooted in the same traditions, they each approach recovery from a different perspective. I know many As who have found the path to serenity in their relationships though Al-Anon.
Hang in there, remember to take it one day at a time, and keep coming back!!
Yours in recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
