fear of sleep - Al-Anon Family Group

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

fear of sleep

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Aloha ddub)))))

Seems to me that you have the question and the solution in the same post.
I was there once. I was addicted to going to bed with my alcoholic and when
she wasn't there any longer I couldn't sleep and found myself reacting much
the same way until one night I asked my HP to lay down next to me and hold
me so that I could get some sleep instead of trying to count the perferations
in the ceiling tiles in the dark. HP did as HP was asked and I never had a
problem sleeping again because I was alone.

Give it a try free of charge.

PS...I could even feel HP sliding in next to me and holding me. Spiritual
program to the max.

(((((hugs))))) smile

mslouise · Senior Member

I can relate with the sleeping thing. When my abfsober was active he would leave, for weeks at a time, break up with me, etc. I could never sleep in that big bed by myself. I would instead sleep on the couch. I knew I needed a good nights sleep, so there I went..off to the couch. Sleeping on the couch was more cozier than that big bed. Plus, nights are always the hardest? Why is that...lots of alone time I guess. Lots of time to think. This used to be the hardest time of day for me. This however, was before Al-Anon, so I wonder what I would do now if that situation came up again?

I too, like to read to my son everynight. On the nights I can't read to him, I feel like I've missed something?!!? I don't know how old your kids are, but can you do something else with them to settle before bed? Like a quite game, cards etc.? This might fill some of that void up. Or try taking a soothing bath and reading in the tub? Or a hot cup of tea with your favorite program? Hey...maybe I'll try that! Tub sounds good! yawn

Anyways, just wanted to say I can definately relate. I know how hard it is to have to function properly, let alone try and have your mind in the right place when a good nights sleep never happens. It's very hard I think, but we, as moms especially, have to keep on going! Take care of yourself.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

I think sleep is a very tricky and slippery slope. Its also an issue for women as we age. A fact: we need LESS sleep and LESS food as we age!

I have so many friends who are really struggling with sleep. For some odd reason, I never hassle myself about this or stress about this. If I cannot sleep or do not want to sleep, I don't! When I do, I do and so far so good. I really totally listen to my body these days, its really smart!! When my body is tired, I will sleep. When its not, I won't. When I cannot sleep I get up and do useful things: I write, make lists for the coming days/weeks, clean out a drawer or closet, knit or embroider, write letters to friends, etc.

EXERCISE is another great sleep regulator. Do you exercise daily?

EATING any food past 7PM (if you go to sleep around 10-11) is another no-no. When you have food in your stomach and your body is busy digesting, it won't want to sleep.

I know its a lonely time but simply choose not to let it get to you and get busy if you cannot sleep- do something useful, clean, do dishes, just pretend its the middle of the day!! Hugs, J.

thinkstoomuch · Senior Member

I went through a period of several months where I used a meditation cd every single night. This particular one was supposedly tuned to particular brain waves for sleep - in any case it seemed to help.

At an alanon convention last weekend one of the people in our cabin talked about how nice it was to be read aloud to, and we tried it - it's funny, it's quite different from reading to yourself. Maybe one of your kids would be willing to go back & forth with you reading to each other?

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

This was one of my greatest discomforts when considering divorce. I felt dependent on his presence, to hold me and comfort me. Like Jerry, I found the best substitute in HP. I now choose to sleep on my back (helps with my TMJ and prevents wrinkles, I'm told!) I prop a pillow under my head and under my knees and I hold a flimsy pillow over my torso. It makes me feel like I'm being "held"... it feels safe.

I try to review the things I've been telling myself all day... If I'm not in a place of acceptance, I try to meditate, pray or read something to help me...

Sending LIGHT for peaceful rest....

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi sweetie, I know from my experience, it is part of self talk. It always helps to put in your pretty head, I hate.... say "stop" then put in,"I love my big comfy bed." or whatever.
Then do what you probably always have, go take a nice warm shower or bath, put nice smelling stuff on you,put on a pretty nightgown or soft t shirt.

I got me a feather bed and in summer put my two feather comforters under me too. ohhhhh sooooo nice. I made my bed so comfy that I love to lay on it. Clean sheets I like, feather pillows.

I have to have a fan on me, after awhile I got to where I really liked going to bed. Of course I missed my husband for a long time.I LOVED waking up and saying,"THERE'S A NAKED MAN IN MY BED!!!" (o:

In order to change, I worked on it. Same as hating to go to the city my first husband died in.

It is so much working on your talk in your head.

I hated GoodWill for a long time becuz I always went with my mother.After she died I would try to go and cry every time.Got over that in time too.

All I know is it is all loss. For me to grow past loss to a point of being ok, I had to work on it. Then all of a sudden it was natural to be ok with certain stuff.
hugs hon.glad you let us know.

love,deb

ddub · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for your support and understanding.
You've given me a lot of good ideas I like and will
start using tonight. I feel lots better just having folks
to talk to about this. Love this MIP board and each of
you special online friends.

Big hugs, ddub

Loupiness · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes, ddub, from our late night phonecalls, I know you know I know what you mean.

Just recently I've been sleeping better than I have for years, but that isn't saying much. My cocktail of late (only 1 or 2 times a wk) has been 1 Benadryl and 2 Melatonin. I still don't sleep soundly or all night, but it puts an edge on and I am not drowsy in the morning. When I am having a "good" day, I sometimes wonder what my perspective would be if I was rested. The other day at work, a woman who I was talking to (but don't know) suddenly said to me, "What happened to your eyes?" She was referring to my dark circles. Wah... I tried to make light of it, but was crying inside. They are just a part of me. I went and bought some new coverup makeup today.

The biggest trick for me is actually going to bed, and like you expressed, the inward resistance can really be a struggle. When my AH left , I got new bedding and painted my room, but it still did not inspire me to want to go to sleep at night. I have this thing about having the tv on. Sometimes I will turn it on just to roll over and go to sleep. It's just crazy because I know I don't end up sleeping soundly with it on. I cannot imagine just going to sleep at night and waking up in the morning.

Well, shoot, ddub, I'm obviously not much help here. I just want to let you know that I get it. It seems so simple and is supposed to be natural, and it is difficult to accept that it's not. The power is within us, but only with God's help. I think I am going to add this topic to my prayers. Thanks,

Blessings,
Lou

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