The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I resigned from the community council. I have had a lot of hostility from same and rather than let things escalate I sent my message of resignation. I was asked to reconsider and give it more time. I have decided not to as I found it a difficult decision to make but feel it was the right one for me to make. I am intensely relieved as I was trying to people please with the committee and it was putting me in a vulnerable position. Funny enough I wished the council well but really know that I could not continue in that role and take care of me. Now I am in London sightseeing for the afternoon, wrecked tired with all that is going on at home but relieved and not as stressed, grateful for the strength to make a good decision for me.
People pleasing is a huge huge huge issue for me. I nearly wrecked myself two weeks ago working until god knows what hour for people who certainly don't appreciate me. I can certainly relate. I have had to sever friendships because all I seem to do is to go into totally automatic people please.
I admire your honesty.
I hope you will give yourself a break. I find this behavior absolutely totally compulsive.
You know its funny, I recently spent quite a bit of time with a serious people pleaser and it was interesting to observe. I felt like it was me, before al-anon. WOW! eye opening! good for you!!!! hugs, J.
I was able to find out the source of my people pleasing behavior. I had a guilt button installed during childhood. My family would make remarks that I was responsible for how others felt, so I totally ignored my own feelings. It's sad that this was drilled into them also as children, so it was never done intentionally. I have a right to protect myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually even in the face of someone's anger. Saying no to someone else is saying yes to myself---Gavin de Becker made this statement, so I use it on a daily basis. My former boss e-mailed me to ask a question about work and I did not respond. I allowed him to suck the life out of me by running his company and not getting paid for my worth. It's not about finger pointing anymore. It was my own lack of boundaries, lack of identity, and not knowing what I needed that caused all of it. It all began with me, so I will be writing a new chapter in my life and being the leader with my HP. Thank HP for Alanon!
