The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the beginning of al-anon I really needed to figure out some very specific ways to keep the focus on ME. These could also be looked at as INVESTMENTS in ME. I think it would be really helpful for me, right now, to review this and if there are others out there who can add to the list- GREAT!
1.) Education. Take a class, enroll in a degree program, find a teacher, etc. and promise myself to stick to it through to the end. This can be anything from taking swimming lessons once a week to getting a personal trainer for 6 months to enrolling in a PhD. program! It could even be as simple (and as cheap) as picking up a knitting book and finding a local knitting group to learn how to knit.
2.) Exercise. Make a solid 6 month commitment to an exercise program. This could be from taking a 15 minute walk each day to joining a gym and getting a trainer.
3.) Volunteer. Become a docent, volunteer a few hours per week at a local animal shelter walking dogs, deliver meals on wheels, even serve meals at a soup kitchen. Become a board member of a non-profit, work a service position in al-anon! Start a book club. Get involved in local or national politics.
4.) Church, temple, spiritual practice. Dig deep into a religious, spiritual or philosophical practice/inquiry and explore some of life's big questions! Figure out where you stand, listen to others, read books, ask questions!
ALL of this can have EVERYTHING to do with ME and NOTHING to do with my alcoholicd. It will get my mind off of my problems (distraction), help find friends and jobs/careers and make me a much healthier and better balanced person. All of these things are investments in me and my community.
Anyone else have any ideas? How about examples of how this has been helpful to you?
#2 is now covered since I cut the strings to the Nissan and am on foot.
#3 is coming up soon as I volunteered to help out at the next American Red Cross blood drive coming up next week.
#4 I recently attended church with my granddaughter where she and oldest AD attend, and there wasn't a single thing he said that didn't tie in with my program!
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Follow some of your lifelong passions - actually DO the things you like to do. You loved to sing when younger - join the Sweet Adelines, church choir, or karaoke down at the bar on Saturday night. Loved Drama Club in high school - check out your local amatuer theatrical society. Take photographs, go kayaking, whatever were the things that defined "you" before there was ever an A in your life. And find new passions.
Almost all of these ideas, Jean, played a part in keeping my sanity, both before and after my A found sobriety, and before and after I found alanon. Going out for a walk, a bike ride, to the gym, rather than staying around the house with an unpredictable A. Doing yoga in the evening before bed, rather than watching for his car out the window. Knitting class, working on getting some of my professional qualifications by correspondence. Being a Girl Guide leader, canvassing for the Lung Association. Karaoke, some of my online friendships and committments.
There was a time when I looked at how busy I kept myself and castigated myself for trying to fill my life to escape the troubles of my marriage. I figured that I should be staying home, devoting myself to trying to fix all that was wrong with 'us'. Now, with a bit more wisdom, I realize that I was doing exactly the right thing - the claustrophobia and isolation of an A marriage to a large extent escaped me. It also improved my relationship with my A. By not being focused on him, I was easier and more fun to live with.
Childcare and money are often the stumbling blocks, here. However, I found that if I actually wanted to do something, I found a way around those obstacles. If it was something I was scared of, reluctant to push those boundaries, then they became convenient excuses.
I started a list some years back that I titled "Things to do before I die". Kinda my "bucket list". I pull that list out from time to time and am pleased by what I have accomplished, but still see things so depressingly out of reach. Nonetheless it's a starting point. I joined Toastmasters and wrote and gave a very personal speech in front of strangers who critiqued me (that was my mountain!). I joined the gym and got a fitness assesment and made a commitment to exercising. I write every day. I pray every day. I make it a point to stand up for myself. I'm on my journey.
I have realized there are little things re: self-care that can make a huge difference.
For one, I don't have "pretty" feet. Just recently have I realized that I can drive out of town and get a great pedicure for a third of the cost I have avoided in the tourist town I live in. An hour to sit and read gossip magazines while having my feet massaged and toes painted. I always pick my shade of color based on the name. Yesterday I chose "Romoe o Romeo". I still can't call them "pretty" but they are soft and look better.
Hair color in a box works just as well as the salon (actually I like it better), to get rid of the gray that has been creeping up. I don't need to make a phonecall or squeeze it in my schedule.
I've always had beautiful teeth, but chipped one slightly (about 6 mos ago). Gonna got get that filed and then get some teeth whitener to celebrate. It's come a long way and can make a big difference!
Finally, I quit the gym since I never could find the time to go. But, there is a free gym at work, a great walking path in town, and exercise programs on cable tv. It's all up to me to make the time to make it work.
What I've realized it that the reason I let these little things slide all these years wasn't because I didn't care about myself, but rather I just cared about my AH more. Well, not anymore!!!
Developing a hobby or passion is going to take a bit more work for me. I'm pretty darn busy with my kids, but it is time to plant a seed for that too.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
how about the easy one day things like help out at a garden (don't know what your interests are). Meet people on a very very low key level (no time to get to that you are in a totally different path). Be very choosy about what you do. Don't overinvolve yourself. You are not there to "fix" them.
I plan to get involved with a local animal shelter because I'll get dog handling experience (necessary with my two spoiled pups). I'll meet people who like pets.
Go slow, correct yourself (love David's autopilot metaphor).
Thanks Jean for the post. I was thinking this very same thing this morning, I want to fill up my time with all things I enjoy. Excellent suggestions, too!
