The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am coming up to the one year mark of finally giving up on the A. Through separation, through trying to get him back on his feet, through numerous, countless crises, I eventually got to the point one year ago where I gave up and focused on me. I had to be here years to have the strength to do it. I have to say its certainly been a roller coaster ride since then. The A is no longer the focus of my life and my recovery is the consistent thread that holds me together.
I am certainly not recovered. My life is far from easy, in fact I'd say not one day goes by when I'm not on overwhelm. I'm pretty isolated, struggle with boundaries, exhausted (I'm not sure what that is) and more. Yet I'm so glad I kept at it. I know in the past I would just have shrunk in shame and fear and self blame. I kept coming here, kept talking and kept recovering.
One year is a drop in the ocean the beginning of a life that isn't dominated by substance abuse. I have caution now that I did not have before. I have self care and self love that was missing because it was drowned in all the A's chaos and craziness. Giving up was the beginning for me. Giving up was also a very dignified thing to do for him, he had to feel the consequences of his actions. I have no idea ow that turned out because I have made a huge point of not finding out!
One year ago I dared to believe I could do it on my own and I did. I contnue to recover with a lot of help and care and patience. I look forward to life rather than dread it. I know my current problems won't always be with me and I know at some point the effects of the A's disasters will no longer affect me either.
*big smiles* Congradulations to you! Seems like every little thing we can do for ourselves and our recovery makes a difference and supports the next ones we take.
It is okay to take a break once in a while, a hot bath, funny movie, meditate on nothingness and let go of thinking about your recovery for an hour or two (or a mental health day to rest). Enjoy where you are just a little bit, appreciating your hard work so far ~ to rest and replenish yourself, maybe it will ease some of the overwhelming feelings a tad. It's okay to take a step back.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I smiled when you acknowledged that you are not yet "recovered", lol...
Okay, now for those of us who are officially "recovered", please take one step forward!!! Hehe... .thought so....
I don't know if we will ever get there, per se, but it's the journey of recovery that is the key, as I don't think we will ever get to the "destination" of being fully recovered....
Good for you in taking the time to reflect, AND in doing it over a longer interval (such as a year). If we compare where we are in our recovery, compared to where we "were" - hopefully we can all say we are making some progress.
Progress, not Perfection.
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I will be left with the residue of the A's madness for years. The issue is since he is no longer present in my life is how do I rebuild? I don't seem to get beyond survival most of the time. I have given up looking to be rescued which for me is huge but what then?
I am in therapy (twice a week at the moment) and need to be on anti depressants among other issues. I think I am barely scratching the surface most days.
There is no questions the A's destrctive actions have had a profound affect on my life. At the same time he's now gone, there is no more adding to it. Recovering from that will take me years, rebuilding my credit (if I can) getting to a place of beyond survival and more.
I feel better but quite honestly I am exhausted from all I have had to do for the past year. I am absolutely determined never to engage romanticall with another A. I don't care if I never have another relationship he is going to be the last active A I deal with on that level!
Mary, I wish recovery was a destination instead of a process. I wish I could graduate and get a dipolima. Ain't going to happen so I will just continue to enjoy the journey. Good luck in yours. RLC
you may not be "recovered" - but you are so much MORE "recovered" than you were a year ago. You have worked so hard, and you are really seeing results, AND you are sharing your successes with us too. Way to go ((((((((((mare))))))))))) - happy anniversary.
