The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think one of the hardest things a person can do is seriously take responsibility for themselves. To honestly look at the train wreck they are in and acknowledge their part. I am doing this right now and its not pretty. I am (hopefully) at the end of an increasingly acrimonious divorce and I can see that yeah, I did some things and said some things to make this divorce more acrimonious than it needed to be. I am not being hard on myself, I am simply looking very very honestly at the choices I made. There have been key times where my pain and my bad behavior got the best of me. I lashed out when it was actually in MY BEST INTEREST to chill out and step back. Now I am dealing with the consequences of that. Another turn in the wheel.
I just have to repeat that one of the most difficult things to do is take responsibility for myself. But I am figuring it out, little by little, one day at a time. With awareness comes change. J.
Boy oh boy, did I ever need to read this post today! (((((Jean)))))
My sponsor often reminds me that every action I take has a consequence. Positive actions reap positive consequences, negative actions reap negative consequences.
Forgive yourself and move on!
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
But I don't wanna!!!!! I don't wanna admit that I had ANY part in the implosion of my marriage and my life. UGH. I took responsibility for some stuff and I said sorry. Thing is, I let it go and I refuse to feel bad about it. That's good right? Yeah, well, insted, I focus on how rotten awful HE was and how much crapolla he did and I do that insted of deal with how I still have guilt and shame connected to what I did in the marriage. The old "What YOU did was WAY worse than what I did". So, I can feel good that I had awareness, accpetence and action. But Still I want to turn my focus back to HIM!!!!
I said in my meeting last night that I just realized that I do not live with active alcoholism. I haven't lived with my A in over 2 years and have had NO contact for 1 year but he occupied so much of my head that I didn't even get that I did NOT live with active alcoholism!!!!It took me 2 stinkin years to get that I DO NOT live with active alcoholism!!!! Talk about focus!!!! But it's all good cause I DO NOT live with active alcoholism!!!!!
when I got divorced many years ago (not from the last A - we were never married) I had a decent attorney who told me firmly not to lash out. When I wanted to make a huge fuss she suggested not to. Eventually I did get through it. My ex husband, needless to say was furious because he wanted to fight for ever!
I know the core of my codependence is in my boundaries and over reactions.
I am working on it. I know for me until I get my core life to a place that isn't crisis or sheer survival I'm in no place to have a relationship. I intend to have friendships but not go beyond that.
I don't know that I was "responsible" enough to do that before.
I can really relate. When I first came into program & was working step four ~ acknowledging the truly ugly side of my inner self, it dawned on me that all of humanity is pretty equal. I wasn't the worst person but still I didn't like a lot of myself (and didn't really like me for another 20 years) but that it was okay. The awareness made it possible for many diverse changes, some subtle, some big ones. Conscious awareness is a spiritual and intellectual Blessing that can be a catalyst to a turning point. I get the feeling you're about to burst out of a cocoon and transform to heights of liberation.
I had to forgive myself for being a part of humanity and then start becoming the human being I was meant to be. Now that in the last two years, I have managed to ACTUALLY apply self-love, stop sabatoging & kicking myself (before u get the chance to) and be gentle with myself, my pain and anger have subsided. For a long time, I had to surrender several times a day, asking hp to accept the painful feelings I was giving up willingly. And to realize that focusing on myself was not selfish, I was allowed to consider me. If I didn't who would?
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I don't wanna admit that I had ANY part in the implosion of my marriage and my life. UGH. I took responsibility for some stuff and I said sorry. Thing is, I let it go and I refuse to feel bad about it. That's good right? Yeah, well, insted, I focus on how rotten awful HE was and how much crapolla he did and I do that insted of deal with how I still have guilt and shame connected to what I did in the marriage. The old "What YOU did was WAY worse than what I did". So, I can feel good that I had awareness, accpetence and action. But Still I want to turn my focus back to HIM!!!!