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Yes, I am still sitting here obsessing. I know I have to stop this. I think he can feel it and why I care what he thinks we all know. I want to be different, but I think I want to be different because I think this will earn a positive reaction from him. You know what I mean? I want to stop calling him, but part of the reason I want to stop is so that he might wonder where I am. I also wonder if I should confront him about the fact that when he was in jail all he talked about was seeing me and his son and what all he was going to do, but in the past 7 days he hasn't done much but lay on his brother's couch. But, then I question what I would be trying to accomplish in such a confrontation. Surely he can see the obvious. I think I want him to think that I am strong,that I won't take his crap. Again, I want him to think this because I still so want to win his affection and respect. It was so nice talking to him daily in jail and the visits. I am just so sad that none of it was real. I am just so sad that I can't pretend. I am just so ashamed that people, and he, know that I have been obsessed over him for 14 years. I am just so sad that I am not as far along as I thought I was. Thanks for listening.
You are making it just fine. I see you honestly looking at yourself, looking at your motives... and becoming aware. Awareness is part of healing and recovery.
Some ESH, someone taught me, that if I want to stop obsessing, I can say the Obsession Prayer....
God, remove the obsession from me God, remove the obsession from me God, remove the obsession from me...
She told me that she likes to pace back and forth as she says it. Whatever it takes. Our mind can only think one thing at a time, so this has helped me.
You may want to get to as many meetings as possible. This strengthens me tremendously. "Meeting Makers make it," as they say.
In the beginning of the end (of my marriage) ...I was like you, very attached and not imaging that I could ever live without him. My sponsor gave me some homework, and had me make a list.... of all the things that I wanted from him and was not getting. My list included honesty, love, equality, and trust. When I showed her my list, she told me that I indeed deserved all of that. Then, she told me I needed to give all those things to myself first... and after much soul-searching, I could see that I had my work cut out for me. And, a much-needed shift in focus.
Why should anyone give us anything that we don't even give to ourselves?
I hope this helps.
((((hugs))))
-- Edited by glad lee at 21:14, 2008-08-16
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I totally relate to your share I obsess over my AB all the time. The more I focus on myself and use the Al anon tools the more he seems to try and then I hope the changes in me will have a positive affect on him. See its always about him. At the moment He is promising me the world just like your partner because I am only talking to him on the phone. Today I try and live in reality and protect myself as I have heard it all before. This time I have told him actions speak louder than words. He is trying everything to manipulate me into seeing him slepping with him to start the cycle again. I have been in Al anon for ten months and my love for myself is growing I deserve the love back I give. At the moment I am not giving up on him I still have a little hope but I am taking measures to protect me. I go to two f2f meetings a week read my literature every day every minute if needed Visit this site I have just joined the gym Basically I am trying to do healthy things for my mind and body its up to him what he does with his life and his choices I carnt change him but I can me the stronger I get the harder he tries so if I love me and look after me one day he may realise how special I am and start his own recovery if not it will end because I want a happy healthy life hope this helps
