The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...Hello family...this is just a quickie as I am not in a position to talk with you as I would really like to at this moment in time.
The situation with my daughter and her financee and here children has gone from bad to worse and, all the good intentions I had to give her and her boyfriend time out to get to know each other and spend quality time together without the children has now been an utter waste of time effort and energy.
My daughter sent me a very nasty text message yesterday, after my son had removed me to his home on Wednesday morning, saying, "U have no idea of the [censored, her language was unrepeatable] trouble you have caused and I do not want anything more 2do with you ever again."
So, what am I going to do now?
Am I going to disintegrate and melt into a quivering jelly and go back to being the heartbroken mess I was when I first came here?
NO...yep, that was a resounding NO I just said.
I am sick with pain, and aching with hurt, stressed out and got classic chest pains and sickness and dizziness and vomiting fits from the utter distress that this has caused me...but at the end of the day, I realise, thanks to a number of good friends, and my dear friend Debilyn [et al], who has been keeping in close touch via email this last few days, that THIS IS NOT MY FAULT...and unless my daughter changes something in her attitude and the children are brought into line, there is NOTHING I can do.
I HAVE TO LET GO, LET GOD and hope that the truth will out. I know that there are many people in this situation that have been told one side of the story, I have again never been allowed to tell what happened and no one is going to listen as it will mean that they have to take some responsibility, so it is easier just to abuse me and blame me and tell the world it is all my fault.
Even her father has been told, when she issued me with strict instructions NOT to get her father involved when her son was threatening to kill me. And she has involved her brother and not told him the truth of things either, whcih has put him in a bad position too.
The real truth is, my daughter is a bully...and her children are mirroring this...though the child I was worried about the most, the one who was cutting herself was beginnin talk to me, now that has been stopped by her mother.
However, I know that my God and those who really choose to know me will know that what has been said is not the whole truth and in order to get this moving into a more positive recovery all people need to be listened to...and be accountable.
Now, I am a mess and shuddering under the weight of a misbehaviour, abuse and agressive confrontation though for me it has been a real learning curve, a true eye opener and a time that has enabled me to really begin to put into practice all the things I have learned so far.
Christy, Iespied your post and I am going to read your post again, but for now I must just send this off, and hope that I will be able to sign in again over the next few days. I know that I am no longer alone as I have been in the past and so I am asking for your prayers that I will come through this one, when I have be so overwhelmed in the past.
I am, however, still very nervous, very shaken and jumping at my own shadow and prone to tearful sobbing into my pillow.
And yet, I also know that there are people who have never before spoken up for me, doing just that, and standing by me...and I am being supported from afar...that makes the difference.
So if I am to honour all these wonderful people who are supporting me and beleiving in me, then I need to ensure that I too do my part and change the things I can...that means ME.
Stamped on, beaten up, broken but not defeated beyond recovery.
Thank you family, Suzannah
-- Edited by Suzannah at 17:21, 2008-08-16
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
This sounds like my family and then my family of choice. When I set limits with one of my neighbors (admittedly in not the best way), she went off on me in the worst way. I endured it for months said nothing, did nothing and she had to stop. After all they need an audience.
I am tremendously over responsible and caring. I have had to work on putting that on myself rather than having it be for everyone but me.
I hope you can regroup. You are here after all.
I recently worked for a bully and found it very very draining. I did however set lmits there too. Setting limits in the beginning is never easy it feels awkward and very unfamiliar.
My tea biscuit friend, good for you. I am sad for you as I do relate to that darn pain. Maybe think of them as you would an A. You did not cause it, you cannot cure it and no way can you control it.
Geez I am sorry, but I am proud of you for giving it all your best. Sue just the fact the boy did what he did shows what a mess that family is.
Don't even bother with them, they are all very sick, they have to figure it all out for themselves.
Rest, nap, be good to you. Look at all the creation around you and let it heal you my friend. It is hard to have to let family go, when they are toxic, we have to. Ignore all her stuff, I invite you to not read anything she sends.
I would not help her in any way again. Unless she grows up and apologises, she does not deserve you sue.
Again, I know she is your baby. But sue they go thru all kinds of things when they are young.
I know you are a spiritual person, that is what will get you thru.
I am always here for you. PLEASE if you can, go to a friends house or have the come see you. Your heart is broken, it is a real wound. much love,debilyn
Exhaustion is pretty common for most of us. We hold ourselves on some treadmill of despair, pain, relentless action for years until we absolutely collapse. I feel fatigued and fatigue on to ppof fatigue. I know you are on the right path and can come out of this. Be good to yourself.
(((((((((((((((Suzannah))))))))))))) 