Hi everyone!  It's been over 2 years since I've been on this forum, but I just got another email reminding me about it and I decided to log on.  Here's a quick recap as to why I started coming on here in the first place.  Alcoholism runs in my family....the one that hits home the most is my father.  My father's father was an alcoholic, my mother is an alcoholic, I went through about a year and half of alcohol problems, and my father is a RECOVERING alcoholic.  Although I have a drink, socially, I have not drank like I used to in well over 8 years and am proud of it.  My wonderful father has not had a drink in over 2 1/2 years and I am so proud of him!  The last time he was in the hospital (he has pancreatitis) was, to the best of my memory, in late 2005 and he's doing great.  In May 2006, my 10 month old daughter, Hailey Anne, suddenly died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.  Obviously, due to what it is, we were all devastated.  Everyone took it extremely hard but aside from my husband and I, my father took it the hardest.  My father doted on that little girl like she was his own...he even saved her first booger and still has it today!  Yes, it may be gross to some, but I'm trying to show you just how much he loved his grandchild, his first grandchild (my sister has since had a little girl who just turned one on the 6th of August).  If he had a chance to see her, he would drop what he was doing and come over and visit.  If I needed someone to watch her, I didn't even have to ask..it was just a given that he would gladly watch her.  And when he did watch her, he would make it a point to take her out to some store around his house to show her off to absolutely everyone that he knew, and even some strangers who were willing to listen and look!  He loved her unconditionally.  Aside from my husband and I, my father was the first one to arrive at the hospital.  I've never seen my husband or my father cry, but that day I saw them both cry.  One of the hardest things I've ever, ever had to do, besides going through losing my child, was sitting next to my father in "the quiet room"  in the emergency room at the hospital, and tell him that Hailey, his grandchild, had died.  He took a quick breath, covered his face with his hands, and uncontrollably cried...he just lost it and could not be consoled.  After that moment, it's hard to remember what happened, who I saw, what I said, but I will never forget having to tell my father that his grandchilld just passed away.  Usually, my dad is the one putting his arm around my shoulder, telling me everything was going to be ok, but this time was different. 

So, with the background laid out for you, here's where the good news comes into play : )  From that day on, and not once since then, has my father picked up a beer or a rum and coke!!!!!!!  Rum and coke was his drink of choice and although he didn't get drunk when he would drink, the years of drinking beer way back in the day, getting drunk from time to time on the weekends when he didn't have work, and 2 rum and cokes everyday for the years leading up to his first bout with pancreatitis, he is an alcoholic.  It didn't take much for my dad to pick up a drink, which worried me after my daughter passed away.  Although I have hope for my dad that he will remain sober, I have always reminded myself that there is a possibility that he will relapse in the drop of a hat.  The last time he went to the hospital (and it only took 2 drinks for him to get sick....the pain came back....he was violently throwing up), he was so embarrassed that he told my mother to not even tell my sister and I where he was.  It wasn't until after many phone calls, gaps in a conversation and blatant, obvious lies, that I decided to drive over to my parents house (I was told he was in bed for a couple of days, ill, and didn't want to talk.  His cell phone had been off for 2 straight days and he would never answer the house phone), and see what was going on.  It wasn't until then that my mom was honest with me and told me that he had started drinking again and was in the hospital.  My mom still instructed me to not let my father know that my sister and I were aware of where he was, but I made it a point to tell her that he must know that we know.  I thought it was so unfair that I had no idea my dad was sick, in the hospital, no matter what was wrong.  I love my father unconditionally and always will.  Afterall, he's my daddy and has been there for me whenever I needed him. 

I was angry, hurt, confused....everything all together, but I needed to go see him.  So, 2 days later, after I was sure I wouldn't get angry with him in person, I went to the hospital after work to see him.  You could see how embarrassed he was, but I still wanted to see him. He apologized profusely and I told him he didn't need to apologize to me....I just wanted him to get better so he could spend more time with his granddaughter and be around for when we give her a brother or sister....when she gets married.....first day at school....all of the good things that grandparents look forward to : )  Other people soon found out why he was in the hospital and it just compounded his embarrassment, but, unless there's something I'm unaware of, it seems to have worked.

Even through having to put my foot down with my parents (due to his drinking and my mom's drinking while taking her prescribed medication) on watching my daughter, and the process after losing my daughter, their grandchild (I had to tell them that they could not watch her overnight anymore.  I knew they would never intentionally harm her, but what if my mom fell asleep while my daughter was still up...what if she accidentally, in a drunken stuper, dropped a pill on the ground where my daughter could pick it up....what if she got drunk while watching her...and what if my dad had a drink the night before, or early that morning, before watching my daughter, and his pancreatitis kicked in and he could not be responsible for my daughter), my father has NOT picked up a drink since. 

I cannot brag enough on how proud I am of him!  A few years back I had submitted an essay for a local radio contest "Hometown Hero".  The contest asked for submissions, in essay form, on who your hero is and why.  Without hesitation, I submitted an essay on my hero, my father.  Two weeks later, I received a phone call informing me that I was the runner up in the contest (there were 3 top prizes and one runner up) and that on a specific date, the radio station would set up in the middle of our local mall on a big stage, my father and I would arrive, I would go up on stage, read my essay (and this was a suprise to him!!) and my dad would be presented with a trophy and a gift certificate.  I told my dad I won him an award, but he wouldn't find out what it was until we got there.  When we got there, he looked a bit ticked that he would have to go on stage, but once he found out why he was there, he could only smile.  I read my essay on stage, trying to hold back tears, and my dad just stood there and grinned from ear to ear, giving me a kiss and huge hug after I was finished.  I was so proud to show my daddy off to the whole town!  And afterwards, I had my parents over to my house, along with my mother in law and my brother in law and his spouse, to cook everyone a nice dinner, and so that my parents could officially meet my husband's mother (we were only dating a short period of time at that point).

My dad printed up the essay I wrote, put it in a frame and hung it proudly on the wall in the living room, right along side the trophy he had won : )

So, sorry to make this such a looooong part of the forum, but I'm so proud of my father for all he has accomplished in the past 2 1/2 years.  He means the world to me!  You know, I've heard many say that most woman tend to look for a man that reminds them of their father...well, I didn't LOOK for a man who reminded me of my dad, but the man I married wound up to be just like my dad!!  They are both such hard workers, would do anything for their family, even if it meant working 3 jobs to make ends meet, will do any kind of work just to support their family, and never says no to anyone who needs help, even if that means being short for money for themselves.  Needless to say, my husband and father get along VERY well.....my husband's father has really never been a father figure, in fact he's been in jail for most of my husband's life, and even though he has a step-father, he took it upon himself to call MY dad, "dad".  He respects my father, looks up to my father, and enjoys his company so much that after we moved away (we moved from New Jersey to Chicago a month ago), my husband actually told me that he really misses my dad! 

Thank you all for listening...it means a lot to me!  Take care and I promise I'll be on here more often, but with MUCH shorter posts!