The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I saw the A this weekend. Actually went out with him Friday night. Had my son go to my cousin's for the weekend so he wouldn't be in the mess. When I first saw the A, I thought I can handle this. I'm not even attracted to him at all anymore. Then it was like the more time I have spent with him- the more that I look to see what he is doing, wonder why he hasn't called me back yet, worry that he is depressed already, worried that he is disappointed in the reality of the life he could have with me, etc. He is at his brother's now and I am really trying not to be obsessed with what he is doing, with who he is talking to, but I am struggling. I feel like I have to stay away from him because I can't help my obsession. I feel like I mention things like other guys, him going someone else, just because I am insecure. It's heartbreaking to me to think that I could not have a relationship with him because of my obsession. I mean I get jealous of every body that he talks to. It's like I'm one of those unhealthy partners because my insecurities and fears run rampant.
Co, you have just described what makes taking care of ourselves and learning and using alanon tools does for us.
Reading literature, coming to meetings here and face to face, taking the slogans to heart, will help you be stronger. Also it will give you a sense of being able to give yourself positive self talk to help you.
If you know cake makes you sick, but invite it to your counter, but yet ohhhh i wonder what it tastes like, ohhhh how will if feel in my mouth, mmmm will the frosting melt in my mouth....a person has to believe all that does not matter. Simply it makes you sick.
Keep coming back. I am so glad to see you on the board so much.
I went to spend a few days with a good friend of mine (also ex) who went back to drinking not long ago. I went there with the excuse (I can recognise it now) to check a few things about work (we are partner) and also because he was begging me to see me (return of flame). I also thought I could handle it and sort/clear a few things out.
At the end, I have let me being dragged down with his feelings and started being obsessed of what he had been doing over the last few months (and what he could be doing right now). All in all we had a good time but once back home, I realised that I done myself more bad then good.
I am just left to deal with my feelings for the time being. I learned my lesson and from now on, I will stay away from him time he will not sober up. At the end, for him he doesn't change his situation and for myself it is best.
Hug to you Co, the fact we can recognise our 'defects' (not sure if it is the right word in english), is already a good start. Little by little we will get there.
I can EXACTLY relate to what you are saying but the thing you have to come to recognize is that no matter how much you obsess over what he's doing or not doing, it won't change the reality. So basically if he is he is and if he's not he's not but either way you obsessing over it doesn't change the facts.
