The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I was just reading posts on MIP (11:35pm) I looked down and saw a piece of paper with my name at the top. Sometimes it is nothing wrong with being #1, especially with college football season approaching and all. Anyway-------------.
Something make me think this list was left so I would see it. It was a resentful list my AW had made on and AA form. The first name was Me, then God, then Al-Anon, then a former boss of 18 years at the bank where she worked before he had to ask her to resign for reason you can figure out.
I have been working the Al-Anon program for two years. She goes to meetings several times a week but still continues to drink beer daily. I wish she would work her program and get and stay sober, but I accept and understand I have no control what so ever on that outcome. We do not discuss it often but she knows I would support her now are anytime in the future if she chooses to get sober in any way I could. She has been an A the biggest part of her adult life.
Life is not by any means great and wonderful, but not unbearable either. We don't fuss any fight, I don't nag about the drinking, never have. That is one thing I found out at my first meeting that I had done right. But, I will be honest for the past 8 or 10 years I have missed the good times, I'll call them the quality times that don't exist and never happen anymore. If the list had been on priorities in her life I would not have been #1. Alcohol has held that top spot for years. It is easy for me to see that her whole life revolves around alcohol. It is a consideration in every move she makes. Not out loud, but easy to pick up on. She knows I know she drinks, how could I not. But she never drinks in front of me. Her choice.
I don't post much and maybe I should more often. I honestly try my best to work the program and have always tried to be a good husband and good provider and father. With that in mind I understand the disease puts the blame and cause for most of the A's problems on the person closest to them. Therefore I am #1 on her resentful list and honest to goodness that really does hurt me, cuts me to the bone, but I do understand and accept it. I also realize there are millions of people whose problems are so much worse than mine and I am the first to admit it. But I will guarantee any of you one thing, if you put all the people in one room that hated the disease of Alcoholism more than I do it would just take a small room and it would not take long to call the roll.
I will end my post on a postive note. Reguardless of how you look at it, she at least had God between me and Al-Anon, and that is certainly not a bad place to be is it? RLC
on the skin of it, that list may have you hurting -- hurt people, hurt other people -- yet, in looking deeper at that list, i'd say that you are in pretty decent company... if i had sung in place of Julie Andrews (i don't have her voice, but my chicken legs might compare), some of My Favorite Things would include me, God, and al-anon.
although a bit morose, you sound as though you have done a lot of healthy detaching. i am also in a spot where i am not getting my needs met; i accept that right now, while my partner is making the effort to employ the program. my happiness is my responsibility, no blame - not a victim;
best wishes finding what is right for you, a lot of times, i come here and to my family group to meet those needs that my partner just cannot satisfy at this moment...
with hope and self-gentleness ; ) cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
