The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My first post here have gotten so much from reading everyone. My A is turning himself in for a 6 month jail term for his 3rd DUI. This gives me hope thinking maybe this is the bottom he needs to hit to make some positive changes in his life. It is hard being with someone and knowing they are not living up to the potential they are capable of. Or maybe that is my expectation for him, that he be the best he can be in life because that is what i try to do. After spending 20 years together, I am here still hoping things will change and get better for us and our family. I am starting to spend alot of time away from him, going to the shore for the weekend with friends and our kids and it is so peaceful when he's not around.(Detachment,yea) It would be so easy to just go away, and beginning to be so hard to stay.
Glad you are here. I once saw the A I was with as the biggest problem. Now I know I am my own biggest problem. The A who I was with is no longer around and now I get to focus entirely on me. I can't say its peaceful. I find it hard going really being willing to look at myself.
I agree with Maresie but it is also an incredible privilege to be able to focus on ourselves. we are so worth it. And yes, we are our own biggest obstacle. No doubt about that. But we do have choices about what kinds of environments we want to be in what is best for our kids, too.
Keep coming back and read some of the previous posts. Also, attend meetings if you can- they are really terrific and work miracles, at least they have for me. Hugs, J.
Thank you both so much for your replies. I totally could relate to a posting from Queenie, "Do I want this relationship" I know in the long run I have to do what is right for my kids and I, and I regularly attend alanon meetings they have saved my life!! Suzip
hello sue If you want change u have to willing to create it , I assume uare not going to al anon meetings f2f for yourself you have 3 months to work on yourself so that yur expectaions don't' get out of whack again . Get the focus on yourelf and your needs and hopfully your husb will see this is it but ucan't rely on that to make u happy that is your job . You a re the only one u have any control over your attitude is going to be paramount in creating the changes u want in your life . Taking responsibiltiy for my own happiness is not what i had in mind when I arrived here, but it's one of those gifts u find in our program , please find meetings for yourself get the support your going to need from people who truly understand how u feel al anon offers solutions to everyday problems especially improves all relationships . good luck Louise
