The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It does look like he is going to get out tomorrow or Friday. His mom is going out of town and told me that she told his brother to bring him to my house. I told her I just wasn't really sure about that after giving it some thought. She went on to ask me just to "take care of him for the weekend" until she gets back home. I am very tempted to avoid all phone calls for the weekend and take a "time out" in general. If I do this, is that just playing games with him- for a reaction? Is it a mature response to just avoid a situation because you can't yet deal with it? Especially if he thinks we have an understanding that he can come ther...?
"Is it a mature response to just avoid a situation because you can't yet deal with it?"
I think it's the best you can do right now. And it is always good when we choose to take care of ourselves.
When you ask if it's just playing games with him, only you know your motive for your actions. But if you need to take care of yourself, that is a healthy motive.
Stick with your Higher Power, who is always with you and wants what is best for you.
((((hugs))))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Yeah, my MIL would say that too and then just forget to come and get him...HA! nice one!
Go out of town, you are a grown up and CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. No one needs to give you permission to do ANYTHING. HE IS A GROWN UP ALSO and can take care of himself. LET HIM DO THAT- respect him enough to let him take care of himself.
Gosh I think its called en-meshed. I'm not sure what you should do. Take it one moment at a time. Why not look at your options? Write them down, look at what you can do.
I was so stuck with the A I was with and his family. I felt overwhelmed day in day out.
CoDe, when you are ready to stop playing the game, you will. Until then, you won't!! HP has you right where you need to be today and every day- hugs, J.
I tried with everything in me to get the A to change. I had to come to Al anon to realise I didn't have a chance. They get sober if they want to not because they see the error of their ways. The issue for me was always if I showed the A some limits he made me pay for it. So I had to show limits in very non obstructive ways. I got busy. I did not ask him where he was. I did not shut him out of the house, scream, carry on as I once did. I did what I had to, agreed to in order to keep the house running. I stopped being so over involved with him.I know he found that pretty strange but he couldn't say much about it because I was no longer tantruming and carrying on. That gave me a lot of energy to work on a plan be.
My MIL and I had this same kind of relationship, she was still very involved with rescuing her baby long after I detached. I don't think this is playing games at all. If you don't want to babysit that's you're perrogative. We are all humans allowed to change our minds when we make a decision we regret. I used to get stuck here all the time because I was a girl of my word, if I said I was going to do it I would do it even if I didn't want to. Someone here told me I'm allowed to change my mind. So now I'm telling you. You're not his mommy or his keeper and he's a big boy and I guarantee when you don't pick up the phone he'll find something else to do. They always do. If you are feeling serene and happy and don't want to disrupt that it's your duty to yourself to do what's in your own best interest!
