The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't posted here in a while. But now life and other things are showing up again and I need some feedback. My ABF who I live with went out in June for two weeks. He finally started to going to meetings again and managed to put together 45 days. Then this last Friday drank again. Things had been going so great between us. We were very close and his son came to visit and wants to live with us. My ABF has so many good things going, but he still slipped. He is again sober with a few days under his belt, but he isn't going to meetings or anything and I can see his mood worsening.
I know there is nothing I can do to "fix" him. It is his sobriety and his alone. And I just need to take care of me. I have panic attacks ever since June just because I worry about him going out, which he did. And I also just found out my Grandmother may have cancer again and she is 87. It is a lot right now for me to deal with and I keep trying to figure out how many times I am to put up with him slipping. I guess there is no set amount. I just wish he could get it. If he doesn't pick up, then he can make it through anything. If he picks up, he starts all over. I am frustrated and not really sure what to do at this point.
Guess I just needed to get all that off my chest and I need to figure out when enough is enough. It just hurts.
Ugh, so very cunning, baffling and powerful, you are so right...and I hear you about feeling hurt. I am sorry that you are going through this roller coaster of recovery and relapse. My best friend has been relapsing for months and just got her butt back into detox (thank god). She will be gone for a good long time- so sad, she has so much going for her- great job, great new boyfriend, she is beautiful, smart and successful in so many ways... but these people have a disease and relapse is very much a part of it. Relapse is just as much a part of alcoholism as recovery is, I swear to god. So cunning!!! and so painful...and completely unmanageable which is why we need our own program of recovery!
Are you getting to meetings? Dang it, I got to get my butt in my car and get to one myself right about now- just wanted to let you know I understand and heres some hugs! J.
Turning things over helped me. I felt every single day with an active alcoholic was too much to deal with I really did.
I hope you give yourself some space. I no longer fixate on anyone's sobriety or recovery. I try to work my own and thats a great deal. I know that is pretty difficult to do but it is possible.
