The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my a has really gone over the edge..threatening suicide..taking pilss and generally being rather unhappy and even tragic
i told her today that i would either call the cops...change my phone number or even relocate
i know these are just words but hopefully i can stick by them
the last twenty four hours have been rather hectic with dealing with this person and the threats she employed...and the anger and resentment it brought out in me
she finally left my apartment..i shouldn't have let her in in the first place but things were just so out of hand...i had to call her father and let him know what was going on...he came by but she got in her car and drove away...the funny thing is later that night those two were on the phone talking about restaurants!!!
i was actually sitting in an n/a meeting when this all went down...and unfortunately sex played a picture in the trauma of last 24 hours
i know i shouldn't sleep with her but i get week..
anyway...she hasn't called and dissapeared..i hope she is all right but there seems to be nothing i can do for her anymore..i almost refuse to be supportive at this time..i do not have the answers for her...told her i would take her to a hospital...she didn't want to go...i know she is crying out for help but i just feel powerless at this point
others told me that if any of this happens again i should call 9-11..so she can get the help she needs
i am at the end of my rope with this...the physical abuse...the mental and emotional abuse...all of it..the phone calls...her popping pill after pill after pill
i'm sorry..but i am not responsible for her...i tried to help all i could but there is nothing more for me to do
i feel i have reached the end of the line...for now
i missed meetings this weekend because of all of this
i care about her but really right now i care about myself much much much more
Been there and done that also until working the program became more necessary than the reacting. Learned a great slogan in "Don't React!!" and stopped doing that including the sex. I can only change my part and until I do what I get is what I worked for.
this girl is an example of how toxic people demolish boundaries
you are another example of how a toxic person reacts to demolished boundaries
seeing things clearly, if someone says "suicide", it means a call to get professional help. as good as i may think my thinking is, the mention of suicide is outside of my scope. no need to interpret "what" kind of threat it is, or "how serious" it is. it just "is". 9-1-1.
you having this girl in your life right now is your responsibility. you aren't required to keep stringing her along. you also aren't required to make yourself a victim of her... if you feel victimized by her, then end the relationship... that is on you!
i know this wasn't a very uplifting message for you, and my hopes are that you find the message without feeling hurt. you keep coming back here and going to your meetings, and you WILL find life getting easier and more joyful.
with love and hope, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
you can tell a girl you have no interest,you don't want a realationship, but then you have sex with her,everything you just said goes right out the window.
When you do that you are telling her there is hope, you are safe to let it all hang out with. Of course she is going to keep coming back.
Ignore what they say,watch what they do.....I have been there.My thought was like that song." love him well enough on the outside, to make him feel it on the inside,maybe then he will be yours."
This is all part of growing up, so don't feel bad.
I am not kidding,testosterone causes brain damage, this proves it. It is not your fault. I have seen it takes a very self actualized person to be able to say no to intimate relations.
Glad you are here, love debilyn ps have you seen Fatal Attraction?? Perfect example.....
Charlescharles, I have been where you are now. I'm w/my AH over 23 years, 15 of which were him being sober (without a relapse). The last 5 years that he has relapsed have been hell. I've put up w/emotional abuse, suicide threats (of which I called 911 and he was taken to the hospital), restraining orders where he couldn't drink or be intoxicated in the house & mandated to alcohol treatment, which I would subsequently withdraw due to his promises of being sober. The blame games, rescuing, etc. Been there, done that. Without going into all the details, about a 1 1/2 months ago, it all came to a head. He had lost his job, was spiraling down fast. I had him put out of our house, and refused to talk to him, see him, take his phone calls, etc., until he realized he wanted help. As much as I love him, I had to stay strong and let him do what he needed to do in order to possibly get sick enough to get better - he needed to be "out there" drinking with his friends, living at a motel or in his truck, but he needed to be on his own with his drinking and with his thoughts, and to be allowed to affect his own destiny. Every day I prayed to God to keep him safe, that was all I could do. The rest was out of my hands. And I could have NO CONTACT with him. I am powerless over his drinking and the outcome of it all. Each time he'd call (and trust me there were plenty), either I'd ignore the call or if I did pick up, I'd say to him before hanging up "call me when you're ready to get help". End of conversation. Needless to say, he called me one night telling me he felt like he was dying, I got him to the hospital, where he almost truly did die from alcoholism, and he is now in inpatient rehab. We have a saying in Alanon - "the quicker the sicker the sooner the better" which means, do not enable. Let her face reality. Let the A feel the consequences of their drinking/actions. Do for YOU. Do what makes YOU happy. You can't control her, you can only control what YOU do. Doing for her isn't going to change her or make her want help. Trust me, it doesn't work that way w/alcoholics/addicts. Please try to stay strong FOR YOU, and in turn, she may actually help herself. And if she doesn't, it wasn't time yet. I wish the best for you.
Something that has been often said here, about suicide threats, that I wish I had known at the time - you can't go wrong by taking them seriously.
If the A is only throwing that word around in order to manipulate you, calling 911 will teach her that that trick does not work. If she truly needs help, calling 911 gets it for her. There is no down side.
I spent far too much of my life pandering to suicide threats - 3/4 thinking it was a load of bull, and 1/4 believing. I wonder what would have happened if I'd just called an ambulance the first time?
