The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I need help I go to my friends. You are now invited to be my friend. Like I said I'm new to this. I have one face to face Naranon meeting under my belt. I will be back to it on Wednesday but I need more support.
My 17 year old son is moving back into our life after a 90 day trip into rehab. This weekend he had a visit. In fact he's still here, but asleep. He's working the steps, going to NA meetings, and until this morning life around our house looked better than it had for 2 years+. I am reading about detachment in other postings. I think I need it. I am freaked cuz something isn't right today with him. I am guessing drugs.
So kind friends...where do I begin to take care of myself? I need to get rid of that bad feeling in my gut.
Notalone I am so new to this whole thing so don't know how much I can offer you. But I totally understand your uncertainty and fear. I know that feeling in your gut. I too am trying to learn about detachment (son 19). There is a lot to read on this and other sites and also a lot of the postings have some really good info and personal experiences.
Sounds like your life has been hell for years. Well done your son being in rehab for 90 days. Not being familiar with this I have to ask, if he is just visiting can you talk to his counsellor, are there requirements/consequences on his coming home to stay? I don't know how much communication you are able to have with his rehab place but do they offer support/guidance to the family?
It is such a long and difficult road, I wish you some moments of peace along the way. One thing I try to do for myself is acknowledge when it's a good moment ... even tho it might only last for a few minutes or a few hours, I try to feel the peace of the moment. Here for you.
Toughie for a new comer. Welcome here and the door is always open, the light on and your chair warmed. Good that you did a meeting participation. The more you discover the more tools you get.
That "itchy" "what is she up to feeling" stayed with me for a long while until I resigned from "her business". Then I didn't have much to do and started the "itchy" feelings again. Simply said I learned to expect that my alcoholic addicted wife would "usually" drink and use. What would not be normal was if she didn't. When she started "acting as if" I thought "normal". When she wasn't I felt glad for her and hopeful for us both.
One of my early problems was reacting to everything about the disease; what it was and what it wasn't and I knew little about either of them and still reacted. Learning how not to react in old patterns and behaviors was a crazy and worth while trip for me. It was like being reborn or something. When I stopped reacting and started thinking about "how can I do something different here?" I started to change. When I started to change the whole show changed. She wondered what was wrong with me and I wondered how good I could feel about myself and life even when she was doing or not doing the same things as she use to.
I learned to not let my feelings (after I learned what feelings were) control me and that I can actually choose the feelings I wanted to have at anytime. If my feelings were attached to her actions I said to myself, "I'm letting her own me again and I don't like feeling the way I am". There were lots of reasons to feel different or better about life, my life and my surroundings. I found them and felt on them. That's a recovery process that I learned in the rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups along the way to now. I will keep coming back for life because my life had changed from it and depends on what I have learned within this journey.
I suggest you find the hotline number to the Al-Anon Family Groups and information regarding meeting places and times. Get there, sit all the way down and then keep going for at least 90 days. If after 90 days you feel that the program isn't for you; you can always pick up your bag of woes and go look for something that does work. I pray by 90 days that you even forget where you left that bag of woes.
