The material presented
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OK, so I have been visiting this guy who I am kind of involved with here in Honolulu and he is pretty terrific but he drinks alcohol EVERY SINGLE DAY at night, often before going to bed...I am now kicking myself...of course I could ONLY find another alcoholic to fall in love with...fortunately, I have NOT fallen in love with him but am feeling really disillusioned- I mean, is EVERYONE out there an alcoholic, I wonder??!!
On the other hand, its helping me to really see that there are alcoholics out there that are really great people so instead of having this black and white demonization concept of all alcoholics being just one certain way, I am seeing the gradations of reality- alcoholics come in all kinds, too, just like everyone else.
I am asking HP for his guidance every day, sometimes every moment. I like this guy a lot but he will remain living 5000 miles away from me and that is really really good. I am right where I am supposed to be but dang it, wherever I am, there are armies of alcoholics!!!!! HA! Hugs, J.
Just wanted to say you made me smile with this one. I'm so glad you can see it this time, so you can decide how much you want to invest in the relationship. Informed choices! How's that for progress in recovery! Woo Hoo!
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
You know the A who was I with was a great guy for such a long time till I found out he was an alcoholic! He wanted to do so much for me. He couldn't do enough!
I found it really endearing.
I know I keep anyone at a real distance for a long long time now. I keep them at arms length.
I think you are absolutely in the right place. You know it is a huge huge red flag and you are acting on it.
Dangit Jean! I'm wondering the same thing. Alcohol is literally EVERYWHERE. There's no escape. What's going on?!?! This guy was sounding sooooo good. Isn't it great that you're there with him and seeing it.........really "seeing" it? Those flags go up for a reason. In the meantime - like you said - he's not the devil - he just drinks daily. You're not living with him or responsible for him or beholden to him. Take the pleasant relationship that is......and detach from the rest. 5000 miles is plenty of detachment. And I can read into your posts - that your mind is (and has been) detached from this guy. You're one smart cookie. Keep us posted.
(((( jean )))) ur post made me LOL. Yes A's are just like ppl too, all different, some are really kind, considerate & great in every other way, except for the slow suicide.
I guess you need that 5,000 miles, he really must be appealing! It is good to be able to see with your eyes wide open, so you can make an informed choice to not go into a relationship *smiles*
Once I began focusing on myself and loving myself, I finally have a great b/f that is not an A.
Keep working it, ur worth it! love, -kitty
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I think it was someone here who said "I finally took the sign off my back that said "Alcoholics line up here." I thought that was hysterical and then I made my kid check my back to make sure the sign was gone. It is but you know how those drunks are....LOL!!!
My first forray back into the dating scene was a disaster. So, now, I am not even attempting. My picker is fixed but my gravitional pull on the A is still pretty strong. There is something about me that A's can sense or see and even though I am different, that I want different, they still see me as a target.
I am thinking that I need to put 5000 miles between me and the A's. And yes, I agree that some A's are nice people. Not all A's are abusive and not all abusers are A's. Maybe you got yourself a run of the mill, typical A who isn't abusive. Something I used to fantisize about...LOL!!!
Man, I sure am grateful for this board and all your responses. I would not have had a snowballs chance in He@# of making it through this w/o u guys. Yeah, talk about gravitational pull...yikes. But I have nothing to do with that guy- whatsoever and I have nothing to do with his drinking either.
I am grateful for my program. I am detaching. I am having a ton of feelings, however, and am processing them. I am pushing much off to HP- as much as I possibly can.
I am at the airport and just had a good releasing cry. Monday morning I go to court to face my soon to be ex A husband. I am honestly afraid. I know this is irrational and that I will be safe but I need to honor the feelings for a bit and just let them wash thru me. The timing of all this is spectacular, it seems.
An aside: I still cringe at the sight of a 1990's red chevy pick up truck whenever I see one. How long will the sight of this affect me this way? I know Seren talked about the mention of her x's name stabbing her and this sight stabs me- I can only hand stuff like this off to HP and ask him to take it off of me. My soon to be X drives this truck and he used to abuse me in it, drive reckless with me in it, chase after me in it, take off furious in it, etc. It just still freaks me out. I feel like its him coming to punish me, to hold me accountable, to make sure I pay.
Thank you for listening. Please keep me in your protective thoughts and prayers Monday morning. love, J.
(((( Jean )))) I'm so sorry you were abused in that truck. I can say, when I left my exAH, for weeks & months afterwards, I would wake up feeling like he was standing over me, wanting to choke me. I'd swear up & down I knew when he was obsessing about me and as for the sight of a car like his in that same green color, I still cringe if I see one eight years later. Hopefully, you'll be able to let that sort of thing go easier than I was able to. What a waste for me to allow something to continue to upset me all these years later. I have to be honest and say I still have something plugged in, otherwise it wouldn't phase me in the least.
good luck to you, keep working it!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
And I was planning on living vicariously through you. I'm sorry, but so happy you figured it out. Shoot!
Just last night after a meeting I was talking to some friends saying if I ever were to date again, and if someone said they were in any type of substance recovery, I would run fast and far. In the back of my head, I immediately thought, "I take it back, I take it back", because I can totally see that being one of those situations one just ends up in. Also, it is probably far more likely to run across someone in denial and without a "problem".
So, condolences and congrats to you. Onward....
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
