The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ohh not sure how this all works... Am feeling really comforted having been this site for the first time today tho!! Was referred to Al-anon by my therapist who thought maybe my issues were related to being an adult child of an alcoholic....wow!!! There ia actually a term for it I am in awe. I think I must have been so involved in everyone elses live I didn't even realise this stuff existed! It certainly seems to click into place with me though! Anyway I thought maybe I would tell my story quickly and hope someone may post back some advice etc. My mum (and my dad really) has been an alcoholic all my life (I am 27yrs), she is also an agrophobic manic depressive who suffers severe panic attacks. She used to get quite sick with it and has been in and out of mental hospitals since I was 4yrs. I am an only child and my dad is an ex heroin addict...I never witnessed this as such. As I became older me and mum had serious issues...she would turn up everywhere I went drunk off her nut, shout and be spiteful to me, killed my hamster (don't laugh!) etc etc. I used to get really angry. She quit 2 yrs ago as the doc gave her 6 months to live and started smoking cannabis instead heavily, which ended in pyschosis/ scizophrenia and has had constant pyschosis drugs ever since. Now I am very closed off, do not trust anyone (drives my partner mad!), have serious jealousy issues, have a constant fear of rejection and abandonment. I suppose this is normal???? Does anyone have similar feelings...how do you cope? I don't want to be like this forever....my boyfriend prob won't cope with it for long either! Sorry to ramble...thanks...xxxx
Oh, you're in the right place all right. Just wanted to give a quick welcome - someone will come along soon who shares some more of your history. If you read old posts here, you'll find some stories that sound familiar.
"...my therapist who thought maybe my issues were related to being an adult child of an alcoholic....wow!!! There ia actually a term for it I am in awe" -kitten
Welcome, wow you had me crying by your first sentence! Please go out & get the book: 12 Steps for Adult Children and read in chapter 4. You will see at the bottom of each page how our thinking twists around & we end up with the guilt and fear. It was uncanny, when I first got it and saw exactly how I related to my feelings and twisted back to fear & guilt, I began to learn how to untwist them and stop taking the responsibility. I do think ACoA's (we) have some real deep issues b/c it's from childhood. I can't tell you how hopeful this will be to you, if you're happy there's a term for it, you will be so releived by getting more information.
"killed my hamster (don't laugh!) etc etc. I used to get really angry." -kitten Nobody here would laugh at that, that is horrible, I am so sorry.
"have serious jealousy issues, have a constant fear of rejection and abandonment." -kitten
This is totally common for ACoA's b/c we could never depend on our care givers. Sometimes they were there, sometimes not, we never knew what to expect. I grew up in contsant anxiety. I used to totally sabatoge my relationships and if someone was nice to me, like really really nice I did not trust them. Dysfunction was what I knew.
I am so glad you found your way here today. There are a lot of ACoA's here too and in the chat room. The chat room also has 2 daily meetings & ppl there can talk to you anytime ~ we have new ppl daily & lots of old timers that know & can relate to what you're going through.
Hang in there and love yourself, this is your life and you are the most important thing in it. it has taken me to 40 to actually be able to start to love myself. As a teen I was so utterly hopeless feeling all the time, tons of anxiety & feelings of suicide. If it weren't for this program, I'd probably be in jail. idk ~ it doesn't matter I am doing better by the day and have been suicidal ideation free for 3 months. That is like a miracle for me now!
I am full of hope today and very happy. It will get better if you do some work, P.S. Get that book! I think it will impact you greatly as it did for me.
Hope & love, -kitty
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I forgot to tell you, I'm an only child too. I read years ago, that we tend to attach to people more quickly and strongly than those that have siblings.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
My mom is one of my As, although she didn't start drinking until I was 17.
Kitten, you have come to the right place. Your therapist must be wonderful! I was seeing a DOC for the last 4 years and he NEVER referred me to Alanon, he only talked about my being married to a drunk and wondered when I would do something for myself. Anyways....
Claudia Black is a great author to read if you have ACOA issues. Many of us are codependent too. Welcome, keep coming back you will learn a lot and stop beating yourself up (harder to do than say I know).
Thank you all so much for your replies, I feel so encouraged already. I have always belittled my childhood anxiety thinking my life was normal and it was in fact i who had the problems. I cut off from all my family with the exception of my mum and dad as there were mentally abusive. The alcoholism began with my grandmother who was one of the nastiest drunks I have ever met. As a consequence the family as a whole became violent and traumatised. I have moved away from my mother as well now. I knew there was something wrong in my thinking when I found this so hard. I now feel very alone but at least I am not being stressed and mentally tortured on a daily basis living so close to her. I just need to concentrate on not sabotaging my relationship now as we are looking to marry soon. Thank you kitty for saying about the 12 steps....I have ordered a copy and am looking forward to it!! xxx
