The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My bff came over yesterday & his job is in jeopardy. For the last 3 months there has been this consultant at his work place observing. Now the hammer has come down.
BFF got fired from his last job. His friend got him hired at this place. His friend sounds to me like if he's an addict/alcoholic. If he is not an A, he needs al-anon b/c he gets involved with real crazy women and their is a ton of partying going on. He's either hiding from one crazy girl with a restraining order or so involved & happy that moment, so he's distracted & running the department into the ground. He allows his personal life to completely interfere with his job.
BFF wants to save his job & doesn't want the friend's bad behavior to sully his career. He also wants to understand why it feels like a dark cloud is following him in his business life.
He asked me for advice. He is 5 yrs younger than I am & not in al-anon or an A.
I said: You're really lucky the consultant likes you & told you were getting a second chance. Most places will fire everyone & start over, which is dumb b/c you already know the procedure there. So the consulant is intelligent & he must see some potential in you. Pretend you got fired & you have a new job and they want to see you shine in the next 45 day probationary period.
Turn your perception around. Look at this job with new eyes, like it is a brand new experience that you happen to have lots of inside information about. Use it to your advantage.
(My friend also considers his job where he bases the majority of his self-esteem from. I reminded him how much he loves his work). Do the chemistry, enjoy it, you love it. Think of figuring out what your boss wants as a game. If you are having communication problems with someone & you want to do what they want but they aren't describing themselves well & the boss hates the details, listen. Don't be so quick to speak up. When you interrupt, interject or talk, you break someone else's mental flow. More often than not, if you wait & listen long enough, thoughtfully, a person will eventually tell you exactly what it is they want or need. Keep your mouth closed & your ears, eyes open.
Document what you are doing & be ready to get attention for all of the work that you are doing. They probably don't even know. I've had other ppl take credit for my work, you have to make sure they realize what you are doing for them or they won't value you. You'll just be gone & b/c you didn't step up & take the initiative, they won't know what all you've done until it's too late.
You can change your life by changing you mind. It is all perception. I did it in the last few months, if I can turn my life around anyone can. Change your mind, change your life.
I was a very little kid & my mother taught me how to 'make it new' or set to zero, start over. We can do it at any time, decide & turn it over. Anytime you feel like you are cursed, look for the Blessings in it. It's a choice.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
What a lucky person your friend is to have you around. My own experience with people who are chaotic is that they have to be pretty motivated to change. I find that myself I have to totally focus to change anything and to keep focusing on my goals. I do agree attitude is so clear. I also agree that in some positions it can be hard to be taken seriously. I also think its important to keep an eye on the market. If you are in a job that is awful keep looking.
I do think its good to care but I very much limit my caring these days. I try to put a lot more care on me and less on others.
i think it wonderful that you can be a real friend, able to help with your experience, strength and hope. without ever being in program, lots and lots of people out there are unaware of their addictions (chaos) and/or in denial of their part in the play.
for me, all i can give to my friends is an open ear and be emotionally available to them. i need always remember that they need to feel their own pains and gains to progress in their own lives; they may walk with me on this path, but i don't know what their HP holds for them.
thank you for being here and sharing, with love and hope, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
