The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hey y'all, I'm writing from the beach. I'm on vacation with my clean and sober A (but not practicing a program), and my two young kids. It's a beautiful place with an ocean view and a pool and a tikki bar. What more could I want? Just feeling a little unsettled here. Overwhlemed w/o the structure of homelife, anxious about the kids ruining or breaking someone else's stuff at this condo, resentful that my A is having fun while I'm taking care of things, and alot of self-loathing as I watch the bikini-clad girls. A vacation is supposed to be the time of getting away and yet it all seems so close and in my face right now. I started out good but deteriorated after a comment my A made and of course I reacted. It's still in my head and will be for a long time as I'm having a hard time letting go and forgiving.
Anyway, guess I just wanted to post to get a little off my chest. I know I sound ungrateful -- and Iknow I really need to thank my HP for the resources he's given us to be here... I hope I find sometime to find the peace I need. Talk to you later, Lee Ann
Though I understand where you are because I've been there myself...what I've learned is that many times it was me stealing my own power. No one took it, I gave it. You really can choose your outlook, choose how this vacation is going to go, choose happiness, choose peace, choose fun. You said your husband made a comment. It seems that comment rolled around and snowballed until you gave your happiness to it. My suggestion? Pick up a rock and will that comment and your bad feelings to be locked inside the stone forever. Throw that puppy out in to the ocean as far as you can and start over, fresh and new. Vacations don't happen everyday, kids grow up and they leave. Enjoy it and YOUrself.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Don't compare your insides to others outsides - re: the bikini clad girls ~ remember that things are not always as they appear.
Don't look for your own image in a broken mirror - re: what you A says; remember it's more important what you think of you rather than what he thinks of you.
Try not to build up resentments because it's like taking the poison and hoping the other person will die. Resentments only hurt you.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Can you identify what your needs are and go after it. I know that's easier said than done. For me being an active or a dry A is triggering. I would have to put up a lot of boundaries and give up the craving for them to change (also easier said than done). I know some of my chief charactor defects is going to the butcher to buy bread. What are your needs?
I also know that when I went on holiday with a then functional A it brought up a deep resentment in me that still carries to this day. I had little money and paid for it. He didn't appreciate it one bit. As always his needs came first.
Even then I did manage to get some of my needs met. I went shopping and sight seeing without him.
There must be something you can do to break the "spell". Believe me I also know that is easier said than done. Nevertheless its all practice.
