The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday was a good day. We had some "small talk" (he's very quiet nowdays), we were both nice to eachother, there were no arguments, I did not feel angry at him all day, he did not complain that there wasn't much to eat for dinner or that I didn't cook anything, I felt like he actually liked the little kiss I gave him before I left the house, I did not bother him when he slept for hours on the couch, I did not ask him about rehab when I got back home, I even joked around a bit and he did not get grumpy or upset. I said hello to him in a cheerful way when he returned home and not the kind of hello that sounds like I'm upset at you. He called from work earlier which he doesn't do often.
All of these are little things and it is amazing that I now acknowledge these little things and they make me happy. A few days ago I was just a mess and very lost.
Now since I've found Alanon my life has meaning again. Thanks Alanon.
I admire your tenancity. Only when I had a plan be could I be nice to the A. I could not get past my resentment for the life of me. Now I find the resentment comes up every so often too. I have to work on it all the time. Congratulations.
basically I'm nice to him when he's nice to me. He is a good guy sober just a very different person since he quit compared to who he was when he was active and sober in between binging. When he is not nice to me (nowdays that means grumpy comments) then I just ignore him. Who knows, it might change again but for now I'm grateful. I have resentment towards him but that's not something I'm going to deal with for now so I'm kindof pushing the issue away from me until I'm ready to deal with it. Maybe I'm unconsciously blocking the past right now. I'm not sure.
If I didn't have this board and you guys and didn't know anything about his recovery and mine, I'd still be miserable. I also think that he has noticed a change in me. Sometimes I want to be invisible and go to his rehab and listen to what he says because I know they talk about relationships too.
About resentment, what helps me is knowing that his desease caused the bad things. One day I hope he will be able to talk about it and that would help immensly. Wishing you the best.
