The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, it's 6 in the morning and I have not had much sleep, because I have been up all night thinking about how I am so mad at my ah and myself. I am new to this program, and I am so frustrated.
He has always drank in our garage, he would start from the minute he got off work to the minute he went to bed, leaving me inside with our 4 year old son. I was always mad because he chose the beer over us anyday. Lately he has been trying to cut back and on Saturday night, we got a pizza and a movie. While we were eating the pizza, he kept on telling our son that he needed to sit down and eat and pretty much told him how he needed to eat. He was getting really mad at him. I was getting very frustrated about the way my husband was acting with our son and got up and went in the other room. My husband got pissed and left for the rest of the night.
He didn't understand why I was getting so mad at the way he was acting. I didn't know why I was so frustrated with him at the time as well, until now. It just pisses me off that for the past two years he has stayed in the garage just about every night drinking and I have been left pretty much inside to raise our son and then when he does come in to try to be a part of our life, he tells us what to do and how to do things.
I have always been the one to provide for our son, no matter what he needs, clothes, food, diapers, etc. My husband has hardly ever given me any money for any of this, and when he needs money, he goes to his mom. Even though he is trying to cut back on the drinking (which I know will not last for long, it never does) I still have all these other issues with him and it just makes it so hard to deal with. Sometimes I just want to take my son and run away, but I know this is not the answer and that would just make things worse. Sorry this is so long, but I just need to get things off my chest and if I tell my husband, he will not understand, and he would probably leave and go get drunk, which just causes another problem!
I wanted to welcome you here and let you know you are not alone. I have gone through a lot of the same things and I know it is very frustrating. My bf is now on the road to his recovery and there are still a lot of things to deal with, just in a different way. I am very new to this program but it has helped me a lot already and I'm still learning. I have learned to take the focus of my bf and I started to take care of myself. It's working for me and has made me a much calmer, balanced person.
I remember everytime we planned to to something together, watch a movie etc, it either didn't happen because he didnt' make it home or he would get upset after a while and he left to go drinking. I can definetely relate to your story. I can also relate to what you said about how he talks to your child. I've been there.
There are so many issues with your A's and it's overwhelming. Like I said, it helped me to take the focus off of him and take care of me (which I hadn't done in years). If you make yoursef familiar with Alanon you will feel better.
I hope you can get to some meetings where you will have the face to face interactions with those of us who understand.
Please know the 3 C's -- you didn't Cause his alcoholism, you cannot Control his alcoholism and you certainly cannot Cure it. A's often create crisis, even mini ones, to justify their compulsion to drink. You had every right to leave the room in frustration but don't take on his blame and drinking as a result of that.
Those are his issues. Welcome aboard! Keep coming, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Wow CBU, I could have written a lot of your post. Sometimes it seems like life problems get tangled with AH problems and I don't always know when to leave the two separate. I did want to say that a friend of mine just today was venting that when her DH comes home from a business trip he immediately jumps in and messes with "their groove" that she and the kids got into while he was away. Her DH is not an alcoholic, he just likes to run things when he can!
For me I think one thing I have to work hard on is not keeping resentments pent up so that when something that annoys me happens I don't let the resentment boil over into that non alcoholic issue - because there certainly are some, at least in my marriage. I think long term relationships are just hard and take a lot of hard work by *everyone* involved. When I think my AH isn't doing anything, I get resentful and that colors everything else that goes on too.
I'm new here too and have been overwhelmed with gratitude for all the support.
Thank you everyone for your support, I know that I felt so much better afterI wrote that, even though I was not able to tell him how I felt, it felt good to get it off my chest. In the past I would have kept it insided and it would have bothered me for days. Thank you again!!!
