The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
..seems to be on between my ex and my present girlfriend..i am staying out of it..i feel somewhat nuetral all though i guess my allegience...well..my allegience is to me...i feel like they can beat each other down any way they want..i need need need to stay out of it
i am basically convinced it has nothing to do with me and all to do with them...so i will stay away
my allegience..i feel must be to myself..taking care of myself as much as possible
don't need the turmoil and caos in my life right now and hopefully forever
please god of my understanding give me the strength wisdom and courage to follow your will and not my will and certainly not the two at war wills
just needed to share this...still haven't found my complete and utter strength
The A who I was with for 7 years could catch me up in all his drama. I did pretty well with once I had a program. Nevertheless it was wearing. I could focus totally on myself and that helped. Then I disentangled myself from him. He was pretty good at bringing me in. I can be over involved in a minute.
Did you find another script yet? This is sounding like high drama. Go find a musical or better comedy then the one you're circling around now. You find your strength by resting and resting works well after your abandon your self to HP. Go lay down in your HP's hands. Visualize that one.
yeah...i just hit up another meeting.two today in total and started working the fourth step again..out of a book on adult children of alcoholics
really feel like i need to get to the root problem here...besides being an addict myself i felt like i needed to go back to my childhood...again..and again and again...to figure out..discover..see once again were my roots...were the roots of my behaviour stem from
started writing about resentments...discovered the links..or part of the links between my parents..their behaviour and how it affected me ..and the woman ..the past two relationships i have been in...just to find out some correlations
why i stand for bad things going on and don't take enough pride in myself...that sort of thing
links between my addict alcoholic father and the ladies i am with..or have been with...well i can see somewhat were it comes from
i guess as a child i was abused...left for not...abandoned at times..held down in my believes etc etc etc
sort of reliving the trauma i guess
but i need to move on from it cause...like i shared in a meeting today..i can't take it any longer
i feel angry hurt dissapointed in myself...at times miserable but i think these meetings are deffinitely helping
my girlfriend just called...she's puking from the night before...me and her went for colonics the other day so it sounds like she is really doing herself in
i on the other hand need time...need a break...need to refocus and need need need to continue to go to meeetings and work the steps...need to use my phone list and need need need a sponser
the funny thing is i am continueing to refocus on myself and my needs now more then hers...i need to get a grip...i've been living a certin lifestyle for way to long and i think finally the wheel is in motion to change
i hope all is well with everyone and that everyone is getting the things they need in order to recover from the past abuses and bad choices...maybe...that we've made...or at least i have made
my heart goes out to all and i wish you all..all the serenity you can get
CC, its so very easy to focus on the drama of others rather than look hard at ourselves and our part. U are going to be a-ok, keep the focus on you and you alone and keep coming back- Hugs, J.
Think of yourself as a transistor, your aerial is working, you are receiving the signal, your tuning needs tweaking in order for the quality to improve.
You did NOT get like this OVERNIGHT, it is going to take time, effort, and courage; however you are surrounded by a family who have experienced such as you in the past and who are, like you in recovery...we are all at different stages.
Visualising, as Jerry suggested to you, certainly works for me. Stop the "noise" and get to really hear the music of your HP.
God bless you as I hold you in prayer right now too. with love Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Sometimes the drama is to compensate for the deadness inside. As in my AHsober's case. They tell us to detach from the disease. Hard to do I know but I am trying. Keep coming back.
not sure if this relates exactly but just learned at a f2f meeting that when I don't allow myself to feel a feeling, we can just go numb to all emotions. I know those times of going numb and I am turning this over to think about.
detachment works but find I need to physically detach and not react - easier said than done but so wonderful when it works. And as they say "it works, if you work it"
ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
For me personaly the liniks between the past and present are very important. Then there is yet another step the step of changing my behavior rather than just helplessly being reinvolved in yet another drama of the same proportion. One is to not get overinvolved with others (easier said than done) the other is to get super clear on what I need to do next (also easier said than done). The tectonic change is for me to watch my boundaries and my over reactions day in day out. No matter what others are doing I am focused on the next thing I need to do. I am also focused on my reactions, under and over towards others.
I hate being here but personally I simply can't relive the past anymore. I'm not going to have a life otherwise.
