The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wow! I went and looked back at some of my posts from last year ... gives you mixed feelings.... but ALWAYS a reminder than we have no control.
The grandaughter I raised as my daughter did graduate May 2007 and it was wonderful!!!! Her birthmother - my oldest daughter - flew out for that. I was happy about that; and I hadn't seen her in over a year. Then I realized my oldest daughter had fallen into the depths of alcoholism, much like her father, and, like him too, she also is a diabetic. So that made me sad.
The day after my daughter graduated, she was arrested for hot checks.! That, I had seen coming, because I knew she was in trouble with that, and no, I did not pick up any of them. When I did mention it to her, she assured me she has "handling" it. Remember, she had moved out of my home 6 months prior to her graduation. Well, after several months, to my knowledge she got that taken care of. But, it has been a year now, and she is still struggling ... she rarely comes to see us, but did show up for Mother's Day and has given me cards. She writes this wonderful stuff in her cards to me .... I think that's as close as she can come to saying "I'm sorry". She's still doing the same things over and over, and I've been told she is drinking quite a bit. That scares me; but I know I have no control.
My son with the bi-polar/schizo effective ended up in a fight with the guy he was staying with. I knew that would not work, because the guy is also an alcoholic, so there were 2 very sick men living in the same house. So, now my son is back living here with us. He is on disability now, so that helps a lot. He is NOT on any medications though and spends most of his time in the bedroom. So sad.
My other on is still in prison, where he will be for quite some time.
My grandaughter who lost her father in a car wreck just 3 days before her 14th birthday is back living with her mom now, after spending a semester living with us. Wow, now she is 16, and her mom's(my daughter's) bf is living with them. My grandaughter can't wait to move out, which I know is kinda "normal" for all kids. But, her mother and bf are drinking a LOT. Starts with the irish cream in their coffee and continues from that along with the pot. The Social Security was cut off for widow benefits, but that was a huge drop in income, and my daughter still has no diploma and no job skills.
None of the girls come to visit much; and I used to take it very personal, but I understand to a degree that they do know my values and they are uncomfortable around me because they know my values.
So today I still don't know the future ..... anymore than I ever have, and I still have a lot of sadness that goes with a family surviving with alcoholism, drugs, and mental illness.
July 3rd was the 18 yr anniversary of my brain surgery in 1990. The doctors had told me I probably wouldn't make it. After MANY talks with my God, I knew it would be ok if I did or did'nt, but I asked if, if it was possible, I would love to see my "grandaughter" daughter grow up. He gave me that .....she's 19 now.
Every breath I take, everyday I live is totally a gift from God. Funny thing is, it always has been!!! We just don't always see it that way unless some tragedy hits.
Whatever happens with my children, or me, I do know that God is with us. Some days I do better than others at "doing the next right thing."
What a great example of detachment in the face of such suffering. I can find it impossible to watch others suffering and find myself wanting to jump in and fix things.
I am so glad for you that the program has been such a blessing.
I was debating today with a friend whether I could speak to my younger sister again (a younger A). I am waiting till I am able. I am not able at the moment and for me that's okay. My friend would like to 'should' me but I 'm through being shoulded. Thanks for the inspiration.
Your strength is a testimony to your relationship with your higher power. I thought I was handing a lot with an elderly mother, 11 year old daughter, a dry drunk husband, and a farm. Reading your testimony to how you detach and yet love your loved ones is very encouraging that it CAN be done. Some days the only way i can detach is to just detach, not in love I might add. I think I need to take some time to look at my relationship to my higher power and maybe things will get better for me from there. Thanks for your sharing and your honesty.
Detaching is a very hard thing to do!!! When my sister committed suicide is this middle of all this, Java, I cannot say I "detached with love." In fact, there just are some days I do NOT detach with love ....I just have to detach period for a "time out" .... time to regroup!
I had to laugh as I reread my post ....when I mentioned my daughter and bf go from irish cream in their coffee and from there on to more drinking and pot ....I did NOT mean the coffee pot! Not that the action is funny, but the "wording" struck me. lol
We all NEED laughter and humor, or no one could survive!!!!
Not that the action is funny, but the "wording" struck me. lol