The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
the "xxx" always hits the fan when you least expect it
this morning i get the ranting and raving phone call..the girlfriend and the ex in cahoots and in a war against each other really having nothing to do with me...the death threats from one to the other..it all makes me sick
anyway..the "xxx" seems to be hitting the fan..i guess my communication skills are not very good..maybe i could have cut this "xxx" off at the pass..but i didn't..all though i refuse to take full responsibility
just feeling frustratd and angry this morning..need help again..or heaven..this "xxx" is driving me insane
Charles, I must ask you , Is there a part of you that enjoys chaos and being the center of controversy? Look inside of you and take an honest look. Work the steps, especially #4. I wish you peace and serenity and a good program, using the tools will help you immensely. Luv, Bettina
I am very very comfortable with chaos and confusion. I am also over responsible. I have had to train myself not to get involved. I have empathy but I'm not taking on things that are beyond me anymore. Sometimes it is okay to say I can't do this at the moment. Sometimes if I know the person calling is someone who needs something from me I don't have to give I don't answer the phone.
Taking on other people's stuff is very very common in codepedendency. There are alternatives. We can be "there" without giving our life away.
Any chance you can just not answer the phone calls about this? Let it rage on somewhere else, while you put your focus on what really IS your responsibility.
i let it go as much as possible and hit up a meeting..shared..and felt that much better for it
and yes...maybe i am comfortable and uncomfortable in th caos...and yes..maybe on some level i help to create the caos..and somewhat stew in it
i haven't worked steps in a few years and i guess my time is at hand
my falacies are insurmountable..it seems..all though honestly i haven't completely checked into them
i am trying and working at taking responsibility for myself and not giving myself away as much as i once did
the tension i feel when the hits the fan is trembling for me..trembling with fear..anxiety and energy...trying to gain perspective on it and put it in its right place
my main issue seems to be me..once again...and i have to ask myself the simple question of do you love yourself enough to make your life as best as possible...following gods will is dificult at times...trying to figure out what i hold onto and what i let go of
i am sorry for feeling ashamed confused and struggling but i will keep my head up as much as possible
yes..step work...and someone said step 4 work
i will look into that immediately..i hope
but thanks for the feedback and some words of encouragement
i am not asking for anyone here to take on my own wieght and responsibility
for me its just nice to find a place were i can vent and find suggestions
hopefully i will use the positive feed back which i am getting
i have come a long long way in my life and in sobriety nd i hope to continue this path...it is good for me and helps me in mumerous ways
i'm glad to see you back and writing down your feelings. even better, is that you are going to face to face meetings! that is how we really make strides toward happiness. keep on doing it... that is progress... if you continue to go to meetings and share your feelings there, and here, you will know when it is right to work the steps. keeping up with getting to the meetings is your way out of chaos... i believe, if a person is dedicated to finding a better life, they will do what makes them feel better... you said you felt better after sharing... KEEP IT UP!!!!
it all doesn't have to be as difficult as we think. i believe Higher Power tries to send me a message from time to time-- keep it simple!
with love and hope in service, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
The only thing I would say is that the steps in al anon are a little different. The focus is very very different. I find that my codependence is every bit as life threatening as alcoholism was and is. I can die of people pleasing and not taking care of myself!
I do work on loving myself and it is totally foreign but I'm willing and willingness is so much.
I gained a lot of insight from your post so please keep them up.
Please don't feel "sorry" for feeling ashamed and confused- if I feel sorry every time I am confused by A's behavior or ashamed or less than- man that was where I was when I first found alanon and it almost killed me.. I still hurt over things that are not sick or wrong in me but are sickness that keeps good things that would be normal in a non- A relationship from me. Like you I struggle with why I choose to continue? But then something good happens and or I see how much worse so many people have it and I begin to look at what can I change in me so this won't be such an issue- the balance is what I still have not found- like other, maybe I will find my answers in the steps.
Sometimes we cannot hit things off at the pass, which is why we live in the moment, just for today, for that's all we can do.
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere and the same goes for trying to project/protect what "might" happen. In the meantime, we lose so much of our own valuable time that could have been spent on other worthwhile ventures.
Keep coming, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
hits the fan is trembling for me..trembling with fear..anxiety and energy...trying to gain perspective on it and put it in its right place
