The material presented
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Sure feels like it sometimes. Just got off the phone with him - my AHSober. It takes us about 2 secs now to get into that circular conversation. I called to see if he could take the truck in for brakes and he says when are we going to sit down with the specifics about the divorce. He says you have the financial figures. Yea, I made myself do a budget on Sunday. We have a very healthy financial picture after 35 years of marriage and he wants to cut it in half. Am I just avoiding the inevitable by talking about the brake job? Probably a little bit. But I prepped for our conversation early this morn by talking to my HP. Give me the words when he calls. I said I am not going to sit down with a drunk to talk divorce, you are not my HP - if my HP says divorce then I will divorce, I said I am going to have my needs met too in this divorce. He repeated his age old dialogue of "I don't have it, I don't have what you want, I don't know, let me think about it, I don't remember, etc." After talking to my sponsor this weekend, I realized that they have this evasive smoke screen of empty words. He remembers when he wants to. I said that I want nothing more than to have a family get together this weekend but of course he is going golfing with his buddies. I said that's ok but I lament that he can't do it. He said well let's get together and talk. I said, have you seen that cell phone commercial when the guy wants to know if he has coverage and he looks down the road and there are 1000 people? I said that the last time we got together that's how it was - you brought all your friends with you (phone rings, text messages, etc.). I am not interested in a meeting like that. Sober up buddy.
Well, I needed to get that off my chest. When we have these conversations, I tend to lose it and become none productive at work. Gotta work and make extra money to be self sufficient. I read Alanon works this morn, went to an open AA meeting last night (possibility of starting an Alanon meeting again), did Yoga early this morn. Taking care of myself. And I did listen to my appropriate HP.
Wow, Nancy, it sounds like you are really getting a handle on your dealings with him. Good going.
It is so aggravating when they continue to give us the run around of nonsense conversation. It got easier for me, though, as I learned to eliminate my expectations, at least to the point that I expected nothing but poor behavior from him.
Anyway, I just wanted to say, hey I hear you.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Sounds familiar to me. I have dealt with too many alcoholics. Now I will only deal with an alcoholic in recovery. Of course I have to live/work with some of them and they can drive me crazy in a second. How wonderful you are so aware. I can lose my awareness really easily.
I can sure relate to the smoke screen. What confuses me is when they know they are talking in circles or creating a smoke screen vs they really have no clue - like the brain cells died off in a moment.
I had a friend stop by and a part of the visit was with AH about her upcoming trip and AH even asked related questions. When she left, I wished her well on the trip and AH asked what trip? She summarized it again for him, giving me a couple questioning looks. That always makes me pause about when he forgets things we have talked about before...... not a comfortable feeling, to say the least.
You sound like you handled this so well and HP was right there with you. Great you are focusing on taking good care of your self. Great accomplishments.
hugs, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Yeah Nancy I am jumping up and down for joy that you managed to take control and say what you were NOT going to put up with and what was going to be for you.
WONDERFUL...keep on keeping on. Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Sounds very familiar to me, I suggest you take your time with this and look after you, think about you and don't worry about it if that upsets him, you are the one that needs to take care of you, of course a rush job might suit some but this is as important as taking your vows, you need to be sure,
