The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The day before yesterday: While I was at work, AH took my two girls and one of thier friends to a movie and dinner. My daughter told me she saw three empty beer bottles at his feet when the movie was over. They went to a resteraunt where he ordered a white russian. When AH left the resteraunt, the owner called the police because he was intoxicated. The police told AH he had to call a cab. AH called a cab and sent the kids home, but left with the cab driver. I called home at 9:30pm and got the story. I told my supervisor I had to leave. I took a cab home. He was in the bathroom. My daughter told me he was crying and talking about suicide. I spoke with him, he was wasted. It didn't even occur to him I was in my work uniform. I tried to get him to lie on the couch and talk about where he'd been. He was incoherent and rambling. He took off his pants. I tried to get him to keep them on because our daughter's friend was there. He sayed in the room so I could find him shorts. He started banging on the door and swearing. He came out and started walking around. I told the kids to go to my room and close the door. He called for them, but I didn't let them go. He began to yell and swear. He went in the kitchen and I could here stuff banging. I could here him swearing and hitting something. I called someone and told them what was happening, she agreed to come over and take me + kids to her house. I went inside to pack a bag. He was walking around with a box of Rice Crispies, dumping them everywhere. He tried to go into our room, but I told him the kids were in there and he wasn't wearing pants. He went into the play room and fell asleep on the floor. I thought about it, and told my frend it was OK, we would stay. I put the kids to bed and stayed on the couch. He woke up at 3am, not remembering much.
He acts sorry, but I know things will not change. He blames the waiter for serving him alcohol. He denies drinking in the theater. He admits to being too drunk to drive, but "not by much". He drank beer at home the next day.
I am not as mad, because I knew this would happen, I am just lucky that someone else cared enough to stop him from driving. I am very dissappointed he didn't get arrested. I haven't cried yet.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Someone was watching over you and your children. So glad that the restaurant called and so sorry that you have to deal with this. In Getting Them Sober they tell us that it is the disease and that there is a pattern. They tell us that it is ok to have the feelings that we have. It is ok to stay and ok to leave.
Gosh, Rainy, I am so sorry you are going thru this. Just reading it I was in tears because my uncle ( the drunk of my childhood) did similar things. I remember so well him acting so wierd. Sticking his feet in the fireplace, pulling the newspaper apart and spreading it out over the floor, calling for me or my mother, crying, swearing. The whole gamet. I WAS your daughter. It was scarey, but so very obvious to me that he was sick. Even then, when I was 10, 11, 12 years old, it was plain as day that he was sick.
What made no sense to me was my mother's reaction to him. Her denile was so deep. She was insane and that made no sense to me (as a child).
I remember not wanting to have friends over because of him and when his friend moved in with us and they both stopped showering all together, well, my social life as a 13 year old tanked. I hated my mother then.
Now, I am talking about my uncle but he was the one who lived with us and he was a raging A and he died of the disease. The crazy behaviors, the strange things he would say, it was so far from normal. It was so far from a normal childhood.
I guess, I really feel for your kids in that situation. Brings me right back.
Like you said, it was not a big surprise that this would happen... and will keep happening, as long as he doesn't have to pay the piper. In the mean time, your girls are watching and seeing this cycle and undoubtedly affected. What are your plans? How is RJ going to teach those kids to not accept unacceptable behavior?
I'm sorry to be blunt (RJ), but it is with love that I ask you to ask yourself these questions. You've been watching and learning this program for a while, and I see progress. So, what is your next move?
with love, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
There are many A's I remember from my childhood. I remember many incidents where my Dad did things in a drunken state. I never remember being afraid of my father, because he was my Dad whether drunk or sober. But I do remember sometimes being afraid when the other A's from my childhood got out of control, and did things which were a bit scary.
The biggest incident I can remember happened when we were camping with some of my Dads relatives. My Dad couldn't be there because he was working and had to join us later. My mom was taking some of the family members out on our boat. She had my brother and sister and some other people with her. Mom was always sober, I don't remember her ever drinking, but other adults on the boat had been drinking.
As I watched from the shore, the boat suddenly began to sink. I remember totally freaking out because the boat started to go under the water, and the people with me on the shore (most of whom were also drunk) were laughing as though it was the funniest thing they had ever seen.
When my Dad got there, the boat was completely under the water. Everyone was saved, but I remember this incident so vividly, I'm sure that it is because I was scared to death. I was only 8 years old when it happened, but I can recall every detail.
I too, can put myself in your kids place. Living with an A can sometimes be a scary time for a kid. I wish that my mom had been involved with Al Anon.
Thank goodness for that caring restaurant owner who prevented your AH from getting behind the wheel.
Love,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I am so sorry your girls and their friend had to go through this. I am so sorry for you too. This disease, unfortunately is progressive. There have been times when I have felt numb too. That's okay. Sending you extra love and prayers for you and your girls.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
It's okay to call 911 and ask for help while a drunk crazy person is wigging out in your house. They are use to it and have much experience with it. They can help and they send the professionals that the drunk needs. For me it's the best way to take care of a drunk...call some higher power.
I have called 911 many times thru out the years, twice in one week 3 weeks ago, also they may be able to convince The A to enter a detox or rehab program. Don't let the A go crazy in your house, I will call 911 as many times as it takes. Luv, Bettina
It just takes me time to think about things I guess. Three days after the fact I caled the police department to see what it took to press child endangerment charges. They were sympathetic with me, but there was only a report that a police officer was called to the resteraunt, nothing else. They said the time to do it was while it was happening. I know I considered calling the police but didn't because I didn't want to put the kids through it. They lso told me it was harder because I am still married.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I don't think you need to go through the police to file a CPS report. Maybe a plan be is in order to start looking at what you need to do to remove your children from the situation.
I am not in the same place as you. The A I lived with for 7 years recently called and requested the pleasure of our dogs. I did not reply. His history with the dogs was to leave them alone for 3 days and not feed them. I am responsible to them so they are not going to deal with that. If I allowed him to take them there would be drama. I permitted myself not to return his call. I doubt I would do that if I did not have the dogs.
I waited a long long time to be responsible to them. These days I think about them a lot not me because I don't know how to take care of me.
Perhaps your desire to protect your children will be helpful to you in the future.
No one but no one could have handled this situation better than you did. I handled stuff for years with the A, car crashes, financial issues, big fights with other people. There came a day when I didn't want to handle it anymore.
