The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, last time I had a meeting with my AH and my attorneys I imagined all of you sitting there with me, and it worked pretty well. Wanna come again? Today at 1:30 PST is the big one. If possible, with your own struggles, I'd appreciate if you could throw in a little prayer for me.
We will be meeting with individual attorneys and a 3rd attorney, a family law divorce lawyer and CPA (neutral), to discuss our financial situation and the fate of our business and all we have worked for the past 18 years. Our business was thriving, and we built a new building. The ground breaking occurred around the time my AH started his affair and his aism and drug addiction firmly grabbed hold. I am trying not to get caught in the woulda, coulda, shouldas of that time, but it is difficult. If we were still in our old building, I truly could have just walked away.
As the situation is right now, my AH is sober (chemically speaking) and is in a very tight intervention program and an addictive relationship. He is limited to working only 32 hrs a week. He is unable to manage the business, for not only does he not have the time, but he is not skilled at it either and avoids conflict at all costs. Having associates was part of the business plan, but he doesn't want to work with anyone. We had an awesome business manager, but she left because she could not handle his dysfunction and chaos. At the time my AH gladly let her walk. He did not like her because she she was the first employee not to enable him (her ex was a A/addict so she knew what she was dealing with). Unfortunately, the business can't run itself and good management and scheduling is crucial for success. I have completely bowed out.
Word now is spreading fast of his affair, and his association with his g/f alone is enough to put the nail in the coffin. I think for the most part the addiction/rehab part of his life could have been forgiven and almost seen as admirable. But, his affair with an A married woman who who has a sordid reputation herself and whose family is very well known in the community, cannot serve him/us well, as his honesty and integrity are challenged.
Admittedly, I would like to take the opportunity of having my AH hostage with 3 sane people around me to let him know how I really feel. I have so much inside me left unsaid. It is all so clear to me, but I have to keep reminding myself that I am not God. I want and need to be strong and focused, but the truth is that something about him still has a way of comanding pity and tugs at my heart strings. He has an incredibly kind and articulate persona, my attorney noticed and mentioned it too. Maybe he will still have that stupid soul patch on his chin.... that may sway me the other way. I'm just rambling here. The truth is, none of that really matters in that the facts are the facts. In my head I know I will be best served if I just sit, listen and stay quiet.
My kids just walked in and I need to stop stalling and get ready for my day. Thanks for being here. You are all a great inpiration to me and we have great strength together.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Just a thought - if there's something you fell (aargh; *felt*) you maybe kinda want to say for your own self - write it out. Maybe writing it will be enough; or maybe you'll decide you DO want to say it, in which case reading it would give you the knowledge you're saying exactly what you wanted to, and not just the pieces you could remember under pressure.
You know the real affair is with the alcohol, another woman doesn't even come close to his affair with alcohol. My A , been with him 26 years had an affair with another woman, that didnt bother me as much as his affair with alcohol, the woman was long gone, but the alcohol lingered. Luv, Bettina
Some real good advice I got when I was going thru meetings like that with my ex and lawyer was to try to take all the emotions out of things and just look at things as a business deal, and to try to make the best deal for me that I could. I know it isn't easy to detach from the emotions of the situation, but it helped a lot for me to think about it as just doing the best I could for me and not to worry about how that would affect the other person. That is their deal not mine.
Here with you too, Lou. Keep us in your mind. You are in my thoughts.
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Lou, its great to read all this as I will b meeting with my soon-to-b ex and our attny's also in a couple of weeks and will be in the same boat. thanks for the heads up! hugs, J.
