The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so grateful for this program, which has given me the tools to change my life. Since coming to Al-anon, I regularly find myself doing things differently, and now I know what serenity (and consciousness and presence) feel like. I am hooked! And, I never want to go back.
That said, I have learned what a constant practice it is! How easily I can fall prey to fearful thoughts...and to my grand ego, which creates such chaos (and embarrassment) for me. How quickly my calm can be destroyed. I sometimes get to a place where things are going smoothly....so I slack off going to f2f meetings. I feel like I'm on top of it all, like I've got it all figured out. Then, something happens...and I go spiraling...feeling lost again.
Lately, I have recognized that when I get to f2f meetings, the group energy gives my recovery energy. And... being with the group gives me an open mind. When I have an open mind, something new can come in... how grateful I am for the messages coming in. Even the drive to the meetings, have been an experience....
Last week, I dragged myself to a meeting. I only went because 2 members were encouraging me to get to more meetings. I had been feeling bitter and resentful... for how "hard" I perceive my life to be since the divorce. As I was driving home from a wonderful meeting last week, what should've been a very dark evening... after a day of cloudiness and thunderstorms.... suddenly, the tree tops were lighting up with a golden brightness.... and sunbeams were streaming down from the sky. Soon, a rainbow began to appear in the sky... and I almost ran off the road (!) watching it become more and more brilliant. I was so moved. I perceived it all to be a message from my Higher Power... that we are soooo loved and cared for. By going to the meeting, I felt open and available to "seeing" this.
I went to another meeting last night with a similar experience. There are no words for the beauty of a magnificent sky-scape. How vast... How insignificant my problems become when I can see all this.
I am so blessed! I have a loving Higher Power... I have the 12 steps which make me feel better... And, a Fellowship to help me along on this journey.
Gratefully, gladlee
-- Edited by glad lee at 11:51, 2008-06-24
-- Edited by glad lee at 11:53, 2008-06-24
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I do find it hard to work the program. I think as I go deeper I find it harder. I am glad the meetings are working for you. My commitment to the program is 100%.
glad lee wrote:Lately, I have recognized that when I get to f2f meetings, the group energy gives my recovery energy. And... being with the group gives me an open mind. When I have an open mind, something new can come in...
Thank you so much. I have been trying to think of the right way to say this, and you've hit it spot on.
